


Port of Indecision

by GinnyK



Series: Peering into the Future [8]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Post Bartlett Administration, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 04:26:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 33,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15111767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyK/pseuds/GinnyK
Summary: He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.





	1. Port of Indecision

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

   


 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

May 2017 

Josh had just finished emptying the last of the dishes from the dishwasher when Donna wandered into the kitchen. She had been making sure the boys were on their way to getting into bed as it was Sunday night and there was school the next morning. Donna put the kettle on for tea and grabbed two mugs out of the cabinet as Josh aimlessly wandered around the kitchen for a few minutes, eventually stopping in front of the calendar that hung on the wall next to the phone. 

"One, two, three, four...." Donna counted to herself, ticking off the seconds before Josh realized what the next day was. By the time she got to 12 it was clear to her that he had just figured out it was the anniversary of the shooting in Rosslyn. Seventeen years after that horrific night and a mere glance at the calendar was enough to make Josh's stomach turn and his knees grow weak. 

"Josh," Donna whispered, as she took him by the arm. As Josh turned to look at her Donna was startled at just how pale he'd become. "Come sit," she suggested as she steered him in the direction of the family room. Josh just nodded and let her lead the way to the couch. 

"Put your head down," Donna said as she knelt next to him and put her hand on the back of his neck, gently guiding his head down a little. Josh complied silently as crossed his arms over his knees and rested his forehead on them. "Are you going to be sick?" Donna asked as she glanced around for any sort of vessel that might come in handy. 

"No, I'm ok," Josh said weakly as he lifted his head a little. "Guess I haven't been paying much attention to the calendar this week," he muttered. 

"Don't think your students would like to know that, semester's ending soon," Donna teased. 

"Yeah. And I have a ton of stuff to grade before the end," Josh muttered as he sat up. The kettle whistled and Donna left him alone, relatively sure he'd just stay on the couch. 

She was right; he was sitting on the couch flicking through the channels at warp speed when she returned a few minutes later. Josh took the mug of tea with a little smile as he stopped the television on CNN and tossed aside the remote. They sat in silence for a few minutes. 

"Josh, do you want to talk about it?" Donna eventually asked a few minutes later as she set aside her tea and curled up facing him. 

"No, I'm fine," Josh replied after a minute of contemplating if he really wanted to try and put what he was feeling into words. But at 10:00 on a Sunday night it just seemed like a lot of work and he realized he'd rather just finish his tea and go to bed. 

"OK, but you change your mind, I'm here," Donna assured him as she pressed a kiss to his temple. 

The subject was dropped and they finished their tea. Josh watched television while Donna worked on the Sunday crossword puzzle. He supplied a few answers in between yelling at the talking heads on CNN and the Mets on ESPN. When the game ended Josh headed off to bed, leaving Donna to sit on the couch and think. 

She tossed aside her puzzle and got up to make herself another cup of tea. As she waited for the water to boil again she stood in front of the calendar, just as Josh had done. It was hard for her to believe that night Rosslyn had been 17 years earlier, a lifetime ago. But Josh's scars still remained, both visible and hidden. Although Donna was steeling herself for a rough couple of days she had to admit their lives had been going along quite well for the past few months. 

After their pregnancy scare back in February, she'd had her tubes tied, thus ending any lingering thoughts of another child. Although she knew it was the right decision for their family she thought that either she, Josh or both of them would end up having a Lyman "nutty" over the whole idea. But that didn't happen. One chilly March morning Josh accompanied her to the hospital and 8 hours later it was over and they were on their way home, having never looked back or had second thoughts. 

Work had been going well and she'd been moving up the ranks of Senator Fernandez' staff over the past few years and was currently working directly under his Chief of Staff, a sweet man named David Meadows. Donna knew David was considering leaving the Hill and DC for early retirement in the next few months. She knew she was the obvious choice to take his place but she wasn't sure if she was ready for it. 

It would of course, mean more responsibility and hours and she wasn't sure if it was the right time for their family. It was something she'd only mentioned in vague terms to Josh as David's plans weren't firm and no date had been set for his departure. 

Jake had played basketball during the winter month; and did quite well, the 3 inches he'd grown since the summer before had helped. He was enjoying the 5th grade and was doing very well. Like his father, he had to work hard for every good grade he got but was succeeding despite his less than enthusiastic view of school. He and Josh were getting along well. 

The comments Jake had once enjoyed muttering under his breath were fewer and less often. His 11th birthday was fast approaching and Josh was taking him, along with Jessie and a few of his friends to DC to see the Nationals play the Mets. 

Jessie had decided that basketball, or any team sport for that matter, just wasn't his "thing". He was a little on the short side for his age and had inherited the Lyman tendency to be a little clumsy. But despite that tendency, he did quite well on the skateboard and just loved to scare Josh with his newly learned tricks. For the past few months he'd taken piano lessons and was showing some real progress. 

Jessie was a straight A student who, much to his brother's annoyance, didn't seem to need to study at all. Still very much Josh's shadow, Jessie enjoyed spending as much time as he could with his father. It didn't matter what they were doing, Jessie was content to sit in Josh's study and read while Josh worked at his desk. The two of them loved to go to the bookstore together and wander around DC. 

For the most part, Josh had been doing great since late summer. The procedure he'd had done in July seemed to have worked just fine and he had no problems with arrhythmia since. His blood pressure held steady at the high end of normal and he had managed to put on about 10 much needed pounds since the fall. 

His doctors were thrilled with how things were going. Even his therapist had mentioned the week before that he thought Josh could cut back a little on the frequency of his appointments. Although Donna was going to make sure that less frequent didn't turn into once in a great while. 

The only thing Donna could think of that gave Josh any sort of problem recently was his hip. Although he had used the cane regularly since the stroke four years earlier, he relied on it more in the past few months, leaning heavily on it more than usual. He didn't talk much about it and Donna didn't push but she knew he had an appointment with Jill at the end of the month and hoped he would see fit to mention it to his doctor. 

He was finishing up the spring semester at George Washington University and looking forward to the summer off. He'd taught the same 4 classes each year for a few years and was getting a little restless doing so. He thought it was time for a change but didn't exactly know what he wanted, if he wanted different classes, fewer classes or something else. Like Donna, he hadn't mentioned the possible change in his job status. 

And then there was Ben. He was almost done his second year of law school and happily engaged to Annie. It was a balancing act for Ben, between his studying, helping out Josh, Donna and the boys and spending time with Annie but he'd been doing it for long enough that it was just the way life was for him. 

He had the ability to sneak in some reading and studying during all sorts of things, Jake's practices, Josh's medical appointments, sitting in the car waiting for the boys to get out of school and any other time he could find a spare few minutes. Annie's own practice was going well and she was very understanding when Ben spent a good deal of their time together with his nose stuck in a book. 

Donna finished the crossword puzzle a little before 11. She set her empty mug in the sink and turned off the light. Josh was sound asleep, long arms and legs taking up nearly every inch of their bed. She brushed her teeth and scooted him over enough to climb into bed and curl up next to him. 


	2. Port of Indecision

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

* * *

To Donna's surprise, Josh slept through the night. She had figured that with his realization of the date, a nightmare would certainly disrupt their night. But when she woke up at 5:30 the next morning Josh was curled up in a ball, sound asleep. She brushed a kiss over his forehead and crept out of bed, letting him get a little more sleep. 

"DAD, it's time to get up!!" Jessie yelled from down the hall about an hour later. 

"Jessie, I said to wake him nicely," Donna called back from the kitchen as she turned on the coffee maker and poured some juice for the boys. Jessie went quietly into his parents' room; although there was no need to, his earlier yelling had woken Josh up. 

"That was waking me nicely?" Josh snorted. Jessie just shrugged his shoulders and jumped onto the end of the bed. Josh bit back a groan of pain as Jessie's landing on the bed sent a sudden jolt of pain through his hip. 

"Sorry," he said sheepishly as he got a look at Josh's face. 

"It's ok. Let me up so I can take a shower," Josh said as he tossed back the covers. Jessie headed back down the hall towards the kitchen and the smell of the pancakes Donna was making. Normally she didn't have the time to cook breakfast during the week but she figured she would go in a little late that morning, after spending a little time with Josh and hopefully making sure he wasn't too likely to have a "nutty". 

Josh seemed fine during breakfast and made no mention of the date. Donna shuttled the boys out the door at 7:30 and went to grab her shoes out of the bedroom. 

Josh was sitting in the overstuffed chair in the corner of the bedroom staring off into space. Donna cast a quick glance at her watch to see how much time she had to play "20 Questions" with her husband to get him to talk. She had about a minute and a half so she put on her shoes and perched on the arm of the chair for a minute. 

Josh turned towards her and put his coffee mug on the nightstand. "I'm fine," he said with a weak smile. 

"OK," Donna whispered, not quite sure she believed him but as she had a busy day ahead of her she didn't have much choice. "Meet me for lunch?" she asked as she kissed Josh's cheek. 

"Yeah, I'd like that," Josh replied as he picked his coffee back up. Donna tapped her watch to remind him of the time and she left the room without glancing back. Josh drained the mug and dragged himself slowly to his feet to get dressed, cursing the pain and stiffness in his hip. He got ready and he and Ben headed for school a little after 8:00. 

At 11:15 Josh bid goodbye to the last of his students and headed back to his office to brood for a while before he met Donna for lunch at 1:00. He tossed his backpack on the chair after extracting the papers he'd just collected from his class. He started to flip through them but realized there was no way he was going to give them his full attention and that wasn't fair to his students. So he rubber banded them together and set them back in his backpack. 

He flicked on the television to read the CNN crawl and grabbed a bottle of Snapple out of the fridge tucked in the corner of the room. He went to lean back in his chair and put his feet on the desk when a jolt of pain shot through his hip and down his leg. 

He managed to put the bottle on the desk before he dropped it on the floor as he hopped up to try and walk through the pain. The pain did lessen fairly quickly and Josh sat back down at his desk, feet firmly on the floor. He flipped through the mail he'd pulled out of his faculty mailbox earlier. In the stack of papers was the usual, end of semester letter asking how things were going and if he was interested in a change for the next semester. 

Josh usually just checked the box saying he was happy to continue what he was doing and sent it back without so much as a second thought. But as the pain in his hip calmed down to a dull throb he tossed aside his glasses and rubbed his eyes wearily. For the first time in a long time, he found himself feeling a little lost, like he didn't quite know what direction he was going in at the moment. While he loved the classes he taught and judging by the waiting list for the each semester, so did the students, he was still getting restless. 

Trouble was, he didn't really have any idea what he wanted. He supposed he could talk to Jerry Blake, the head of the Political Science Department and see about switching around some classes. He turned on the computer and emailed Jerry's secretary to ask for an appointment to get in to see Jerry later in the week, figuring he should probably talk to Donna before making any life altering decisions. 

As he relaxed and drank the iced tea Josh thought about his options, vague as they were. He could teach different classes, drop one or the other and only teach one in the fall semester, or give up teaching completely. He wasn't sure he was ready to do that, only because then that would leave him unemployed and bored. 

Money wasn't really an issue that would play into his decision; he and Donna were very well off. He'd gotten a sizable inheritance when his mother died and he'd been smart over the years with investing and such. There was money set aside for the boys to attend college and plenty for Josh and Donna to retire on. Not to mention the fact that Donna still worked and Josh couldn't exactly see himself sitting around on the porch swing for the rest of his life, he was sure he'd bring in some money. 

He could always start accepting the numerous invitations he received monthly for speaking engagements. Thanks to some articles he'd written for GW's newspaper, The Hatchet, Josh had also received some requests for monthly articles in a few small periodicals. It wasn't something that he'd given any great thought to, until Sam happened to read something he'd written and was quite impressed. 

At any rate, a long conversation with Donna would be the starting point in his decision making. 

A few minutes after noon Josh tossed the empty bottle in the trash, used the bathroom and gathered up his things. He left a message on Ben's phone telling him he didn't need a ride home later. With a weary sigh he hoisted his backpack on his shoulder and turned out the light. 

Josh had planned on hopping onto the Metro and taking it over to the Capitol but it was a fair distance from the station to the Capitol itself and his hip was already protesting as he left his building so he hailed a cab instead settling back in the seat for the ride. He glanced out the window as the sights of downtown DC went by. 

He usually found the familiar sights comforting but for some reason that just didn't happen that day; the various sights just seemed to make him all the more confused about what to do. 

The more Josh thought about it, the more he realized he probably shouldn't be thinking of making such an important decision during the month of May. With the large exception being Jake's birthday, the rest of May didn't hold good memories for any members of the Lyman family. 

The month marked the anniversaries of the shooting, the deaths of Josh's mother and Delores Landingham and his stroke 4 years earlier. Josh's therapist, Tom, was always telling him to make sure he was in the right frame of mind before making a decision. And Josh thought maybe it was time to listen to Tom. 

"Which side?" the driver asked as the got closer to the Capitol. 

"By the Reflecting Pool is fine," Josh muttered as he pulled some money out of his pocket. When the cab stopped he tossed the bills to the driver and got out. A quick glance at his watch let him know he still had almost half an hour before meeting Donna. 

He knew he could always go up and hang out in her office to wait but it was a beautiful spring day so he sat on the ledge that surrounded the Reflecting Pool to weigh the pros and cons of all his options, vague as they were. 

Twenty minutes later, the only thing he'd accomplished was giving himself a headache so he grabbed his cane and headed to meet Donna. His hip protested the first dozen or so steps and he made a mental note to call Jill later to see if he could move his appointment up a little. He didn't think he'd be able to make it through another two weeks until the appointment he'd scheduled months earlier. 


	3. Port of Indecision 3

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

* * *

As Josh rounded the Reflecting Pool, Donna stepped out of the Capitol into the bright May sunshine. She put on her sunglasses and gazed out over the steps and the lawn hoping to pick Josh out of the crowd. It wasn't exactly hard to do; there weren't too many men with graying hair, backpacks and canes walking along talking to themselves. 

She called to him so he wouldn't attempt to climb the steps. Judging by the way he was limping along, that was a good idea. "You're walking like you're eighty," she said as she stopped in front of him. While her tone was serious, she softened her statement by gently reaching out to rub his right hip for a minute. "You need to call Jill," she said as Josh flinched. 

"I know. I'll call her when I get home," Josh promised as he took Donna's hand. Then without speaking their preference they both walked in the direction of their favorite little coffeehouse a few blocks from the Capitol. They sat outside, under an umbrella to protect Donna's alabaster skin. They ordered, tuna sandwich for Donna, grilled chicken for Josh. He'd been trying to watch what he ate since his bout with high blood pressure induced arrhythmia back in the summer. For the most part he was eating pretty well. 

Josh was a little on the quiet side, which wasn't too unexpected. Knowing him as she had for twenty years, Donna knew something was on his mind, yet something told her not to push. It wasn't the day to push Josh to talk about anything. So they ate in relative silence, chatting only about a few incidental things, nothing of great importance. Josh didn't eat all that much but Donna let it slide; it wasn't the day to get on his case about anything. She was just happy he wanted to go out to lunch. She'd had visions of him locking himself in his study and brooding all day. Something that had happened on more than one anniversary of the shooting. 

As Donna sipped the last of her iced tea she glanced at her watch, she needed to get back to work. "I have to get back. Stay and finish your coffee," Donna said as she picked up her purse. She tucked her hair behind her ears and leaned over to kiss Josh goodbye. Josh watched as she crossed the street and headed back to the Capitol. He pulled his newspaper out of his backpack and ordered another cup of coffee and a piece of pecan pie. Almost an hour later, after the waitress had checked on him for the third time, Josh packed up his newspaper, finished his last sip of coffee and paid the bill. 

Not surprisingly it took him a minute or so to get his bearings before he was able to start walking. He'd recouped a little energy while sitting and eating so he walked to the Metro Station. As he did he called Jill's office and left a message. He could have just tried to get a new appointment with the receptionist but he wanted to actually talk to Jill. 

Two blocks from home his cell phone vibrated against his hip. "Hello," he said as hiked his backpack high onto his shoulder. 

"Josh, it's Jill. What's up?" 

"I, uh, I have an appointment in two weeks and I wanted to see if I could move it up a little," Josh muttered as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

"Josh, what's up?" Jill asked again. 

"Been having trouble with my hip." 

"How much trouble, Josh?" 

"Well, Donna just told me I was walking like I'm eighty," Josh sighed as he stepped off the curb to cross the street. A groan escaped his lips as pain shot through his hip. 

"Josh, you ok?" Jill asked, starting to get more than a little concerned about her patient. Josh wasn't a big complainer in general and had a fairly high tolerance for pain. His wanting to bump up his appointment was a red flag in her mind. 

"Just stepped off the curb," Josh explained as he turned onto his street. 

"Give me a minute to check my schedule and I'll call you right back." Jill ran out to the front desk to check her appointment schedule for the next day while Josh limped up the front steps. He settled down on the porch swing with a sigh. He turned sideways a little, stretching out his right leg along the back of the swing. The cell phone vibrated a few minutes later, just as Josh's eyes had slid closed. Without opening them he reached and pulled his phone from his belt. 

"Hello." 

"Josh, it's Jill." 

"Hey," Josh replied with a weary tone Jill picked up on right away. 

"Can you come in first thing tomorrow morning, about 7:30?" 

"Yeah, sounds good. I don't have class until the afternoon. I'll bring breakfast," Josh offered. 

"OK. I'll see you then. Take it easy. Try Tylenol and the heating pad." 

"I will. Thanks." 

"See you in the morning." 

Josh flipped his phone closed and relaxed for a little while, letting his eyes close and his mind wander until the sound of the Jessie calling from down the street brought him back to the present. 

"Hey Dad," Jessie said as he climbed the steps and tossed his own backpack on the floor next to Josh's. He sat down on the swing, careful of Josh's leg. 

"Hey buddy. How was school?" 

"Good. Got 100 on my Social Studies test," Jessie answered proudly. 

"Great job," Josh said with a smile. "How much homework do you have?" 

"Not much. Can I have a snack?" 

"Yeah and then get your homework done. Mark will be here at 4:30 for your lesson." 

Jessie slid off the swing and grabbed his backpack. Josh followed him into the house a minute later. Jake arrived home just as Jessie was finishing up his math homework. Josh put a bag of popcorn in the microwave for Jake and pushed start as the phone rang. It was a little female caller, asking for Jake. As he turned bright red, Jake took the phone from his father and disappeared into the family room. 

"Who was that?" Jessie teased when Jake came back a minute later. 

"Melissa, she wanted to know what we had for Science homework," Jake said as he took the popcorn from the microwave. He settled down with his own homework as Josh picked up his backpack and headed for the study. 

"Jake, Jessie has piano in an hour. Either go up to your room or go outside when Mark gets here." 

"OK Dad," Jake answered around a mouthful of popcorn. He watched as Josh limped down the hall. His usual feeling of annoyance at any of Josh's physical limitations didn't make an appearance and he was kind of worried about Josh as he'd noticed his limp was worse than usual. 

After he took some Tylenol, changed his clothes and found the heating pad, Josh settled down on the leather couch in his study to glance at the papers he'd collected from his class that morning. He first went through to make sure everyone had handed something in, and for once that was the case. He started to read them but didn't get very far as his eyes grew heavy and his concentration waned. 

He put aside the papers and set his glasses on the end table. Reaching into the pocket of his backpack he pulled out his iPod and settled back against the arm of the couch, trying to get comfortable. As he felt himself start to drift off, he pulled the heating pad out from underneath him and tossed it on the floor. 

The sound of someone knocking on the door to his study woke Josh with a start about 20 minutes into his nap. "Dad, Mark's here. I'm going down the street to play basketball," Jake said as he poked his head in the room. "You ok?" he asked as Josh struggled to sit up and gain some sense of time and space. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," Josh tried to assure him, even though he felt far from "fine". "Go, have fun, be home in an hour". 

"OK," Jake called over his shoulder as he turned down the hall. 

Josh took a few deeps breaths and tried to stretch a little in an effort to reduce some of the pain in his hip. He smiled at the song Jessie was playing, he couldn't quite come up with the name but it was a little ditty Joanie used to play on the piano when they were kids. Josh put his papers on the desk and put on his glasses to go out to the kitchen to start dinner. 

As the sounds of Jessie's piano playing filled the kitchen, Josh rummaged through the freezer in search of a container of spaghetti sauce and meatballs he knew was hiding out in the back. He put it in the microwave to thaw and pulled some things out of the refrigerator to make a salad. The pain in his hip from leaning over and pulling things out of the crisper was bad enough that he tossed everything on the counter and sat down for a minute, carefully putting his right foot up on one of the chairs. 

As the microwave beeped, Josh heard the front door open and Donna's voice ring out, "I'm home". 

"In here," Josh called back as he stood up carefully and crossed the room to take the container of sauce out of the microwave and dump it into a pot. Donna watched from the doorway, trying to gauge Josh's general mood. He turned away from the stove and gave her genuine smile before limping towards her. "I'm going to see Jill first thing in the morning," he said, before giving Donna a chance to ask. 

"Good. Where's Jake?" 

"Down the street. Mark and Jessie should be done soon," Josh said, answering her next question. "Hey what are you doing home so early?" Josh asked as he took a glance at his watch. Donna just ignored his question as she picked up the spoon to stir the sauce. "Ah, came home to make sure wasn't in the middle of a nutty?" 

"I suppose," Donna said as she held her hand out to him. Josh fell into her embrace, breathing in the familiar comforting scent of her perfume and shampoo. "You ok?" she asked as Josh sighed. 

"Yeah, I think so," he answered as he took a step back from Donna. 

"Good. Why don't you let me finish dinner and you can go take a warm shower, see if it helps your hip," she suggested as she slipped off her suit jacket and set it over the back of one of the chairs. 

"OK. The check for Mark is on the desk in the foyer," Josh said as he turned to leave. The phone rang when he was halfway down the hall. "I'm not available," he called over his shoulder. 

It was Jed on the phone, calling as he always did on the anniversary of the shooting. Donna assured him Josh was more or less fine and he would call him back later. In the half an hour Josh was in the shower, CJ and Toby also called, just checking in as they did every year on that particular date. Donna had talked to each of her friends as she finished getting dinner on the table. She paid Mark, listened to Jessie play a few songs and yelled down the street for Jake to come home. 

Josh came out for dinner looking a whole lot better than he had less than an hour earlier. The boys didn't remember the significance of the date and their parents didn't see the need to bring it up. As the shooting had happened well before the boys were born, they lacked a point of reference for the whole thing, other than the scar on Josh's chest. Jake had been told more and had a better understanding of what had happened that night but it wasn't something he thought about all that frequently. 

"Jake, your turn to clear the table," Donna said as her curly haired son attempted to escape the room. He groaned a little but stopped as soon as he got the "evil eye" from his mother. Ben arrived home just in time to help himself to the leftovers before Donna had a chance to put them away. He sat at the kitchen table with a big bowl of spaghetti in front of him and his nose in a textbook, the typical way he ate dinner when he wasn't actually sitting down with the rest of the Lyman family. 

"Dad, we don't have any ice cream," Jessie called to Josh who was in the family room watching CNN. 

"And....ice cream is a God given right that you're being denied?" Josh snorted as he flicked from CNN to ESPN. 

"Dad," Jessie whined from the archway between the kitchen and the family room. Josh gave a quick glance at his watch. 

"Did you finish your homework?" Josh asked. 

"Do I look like Jake?" Jessie teased with a roll of his eyes. 

Josh just gave a little glare in his direction. "See what Mom's doing; see if she feels like running out to Rita's for water ice." 

Jessie didn't say anything; he just took off in the direction of the backyard where Donna was doing a little weeding before it got too dark. 

"Let me guess, this was your idea?" Donna asked Josh with mock exasperation a minute later as she stood before him with dirty hands and hair flying all over the place. 

"Uh, yeah," Josh said sheepishly. "I don't think I can make it," he said as he motioned towards his leg. Rita's wasn't all that far but it did involve walking more than a block and a half, something Josh was in no shape to do. "OK, tell the boys to give me ten minutes. You want anything?" Donna called over her shoulder as she walked into the laundry room to wash her hands in the laundry tub. 

"Citrus Blast, Watermelon, or Root Beer, whatever one they have." 

Josh flicked through the channels and talked to Toby and Jed while Donna and the boys were out. Ben had a paper to write and had locked himself in his room to get to work on it. When Josh heard the front door open he hauled himself off the couch and went to get his water ice. 

"Citrus Blast," Donna said as she handed him the bag. Josh took it and sat down on one of the stools at the breakfast bar. He took a big bite and his face contorted into a grimace as he gave himself "brain freeze". Donna just shook her head at him and went to bring Ben's Misto shake to him. 

By the time the boys were in bed and he had talked to everyone likely to call Josh was fading fast. Donna found him half asleep on the couch in the family room. "Josh, honey, come to bed," she said as she held out her hand to help him to his feet. Donna led him down the hall and steered him in the direction of the bedroom before checking on the boys and turning out the light. Josh brushed his teeth, striped to his boxers and all but fell into bed. 

As Donna changed into her pajamas and set the alarm, Josh tossed and turned in an effort to get comfortable. "Roll over, I'll rub your hip for you," she suggested as she settled down next to Josh. With a sigh, Josh shoved the pillow under his head and rolled over onto his stomach. Despite trying not to, he flinched as Donna pushed down the back of his boxers a little. "Sorry," she whispered as she leaned over and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. With a light touch and some soothing words, Donna got Josh to relax and fall asleep fairly quickly. 

So much for the "nutty" she was sure Josh would have had sometime during the day. Although the "day" was over they still had to make it until the morning. And so she got a glass of water and a couple of Tylenol, preparing for the nightmare she thought might come. 

Surprisingly, it never did. 


	4. Port of Indecision 4

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

Josh walked into Jill's office at 7:35 the next morning carrying two cups of coffee and two bagels. "Jill," he called out as he stepped into the waiting room. 

"In my office," she yelled back as she tossed Josh's chart on her desk and walked out into the hall. She watched as Josh walked towards her, trying his best to both walk normally and not spill anything. He held out the coffee for her; she took it and put it on her desk before giving Josh a quick hug and her customary "once over". Except for the obvious limp he looked pretty good, not too skinny, no dark circles under his eyes. 

"Have a seat," she said as she motioned towards the chair in front of the desk. She took a seat in her chair as Josh pulled the bagels out and handed her one. As they usually did when Josh came in for an appointment, they talked about nothing in particular while they ate. "OK, so what's up," Jill asked as she crumpled up the paper from her bagel and tossed it in the trash can. 

"Having a lot of trouble with my hip," Josh said as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. 

"So you said. But a little more description would be helpful," Jill teased as she picked up a pen. "Pain, stiffness, what?" 

"It's always been stiff, at least for the past 17 years," Josh snorted. "Much more pain in the last month or so, especially if I've been still for a while." 

"You, still for a while?" Jill said, echoing Josh's snort. 

"Funny. It takes me a while to get going if I stand up after sitting for a while." 

"OK. Is it an ache, dull throb, stabbing pain?" Jill asked trying to get a better handle on what was going on. 

"Pain when I first start to move, pretty much a dull throbbing by the end of the day." 

"Anything else?" 

"Yeah, it's weird, it feels like the hip joint just clicks or freezes sometimes. Does that make any sense?" 

"Actually is does. What have you tried for pain relief?" 

"Tylenol helps a little, sometimes the heating pad works, I guess a warm shower helps," Josh said with a shrug of his shoulders. 

"OK, you ready to go in?" Jill asked as she took the final sip of her coffee. Josh just nodded and slowly got to his feet. "Walk to the end of the hall and back, as normally as possible," she said as she stood in the doorway to the exam room. She watched as Josh walked favoring his right leg more than she had ever seen him do, even right after the stroke. "OK, go ahead in and drop the pants. There's a sheet on the end of the table. I'll be right in," Jill said as she motioned for Josh to go ahead in. She went to the back room and got the necessary supplies to draw some blood before he left. 

"You're taking blood?" Josh whined as she came back in and deposited everything on the counter. 

"Before you go, yes," Jill explained as she pulled her stethoscope from around her neck. Josh unbuttoned his plaid shirt as she warmed up the end against her shirt sleeve. She listened to his heart and lungs, finding nothing out of the ordinary. His blood pressure was even pretty low, for him. "Lie back," she said. Josh flinched as she poked and prodded his hip a little. Then she had him stand while she poked and prodded some more. 

"OK, sit down and roll up your sleeve," she said as she turned to grab the syringe and the rest of the supplies. Josh put the sheet over his lap and rolled up his left sleeve. With practiced ease, Jill found a vein on the first try and filled the two vials quickly, before Josh even had a chance to turn pale. "Why don't you get dressed and meet me in my office," Jill suggested as she took the blood vials and Josh's chart with her. She stopped the front desk to talk to her assistant who had just arrived for the day. 

"So what's the verdict?" Josh asked as he took a seat in her office 5 minutes later. 

"Well, tentatively we're going to go with osteoarthritis, barring anything strange showing up on the blood work. I want you to have some x-rays done and I'll give you a prescription for an anti-inflammatory drug, something that shouldn't bother your stomach too much, but I'd take it with food it I were you. Still going to physical therapy?" she asked. 

"Once a week, in fact I blew it off to come here," Josh replied with a grin. 

"Good. Do you spend any time in the pool there?" 

"Once in a while." 

"OK, I want you to do more in the pool if you can, more stretching, less weight bearing. Do you do anything at home?" 

"Not really," Josh answered sheepishly, knowing he should be doing something at home in the way of exercise. 

Jill just raised her eyebrows at him to let him know she wasn't pleased with his answer to that question. "Try a little stretching," she suggested as she pulled out a couple of pamphlets from a stack on the credenza behind her. Josh took them and shoved them in his backpack without looking at them. 

"Whatever you do, don't push yourself. If the heating pad and hot shower don't work, you can try ice. Sometimes ice works better if there's actual pain; heat tends to work for stiffness and aching. Keep the appointment you have in two weeks. Sue's calling to see if you can get into the radiology place next door, before you go to work," Jill said as she opened up Josh's chart and wrote down a few notes. Josh was silent for a few minutes. "Any questions?" Jill eventually asked when she closed the chart and looked at her patient. 

"I guess not," Josh muttered as he shrugged his shoulders. 

"OK, if you have any problems just call me here or at home. I'll see you in two weeks," Jill said as she glanced out into the hallway and saw her first official patient being escorted to an exam room. "Gotta get to work." 

"Thanks," Josh said sincerely as he gave Jill a quick hug. 

"Thanks for breakfast," she called over her shoulder as she went to work. 

Sue was able to get Josh into the radiologist so he walked over as it was right next door. He called and left a message for Donna and one for Ben telling him that he would just hop on the Metro and take it to school. 

An hour and a half later Josh limped out of the radiologist's office, went across the street to fill his prescription and headed towards the Metro station. Being flat on his back on the hard x-ray table had wrecked havoc on his hip and his back so he was in a rather foul mood by the time he got to his campus office. He still had a few hours before class so he took a pill, turned off the lights, locked the door and stretched out on his couch. Luckily he had enough forethought to set his watch alarm, as twenty minutes later he was out cold. 

An incessant beeping in his right ear jolted him awake at noon. He pulled his hand out from under his head and blindly shut off the alarm. He tentatively stretched his legs out for a minute, trying to gauge how much difficulty he was going to have getting himself up off the couch. He decided he didn't feel too bad. 

He put his glasses on and flicked on the television to catch the headlines while he woke up completely. His stomach growled and he decided it was time to get up and walk over to the Student Center to get something to eat. He could have picked the faculty dining room but he found it rather stuffy and he much rather preferred to eat with the crowds of students. That and it was a shorter walk to the Student Center. 

He grabbed a slice of pizza, a copy of the Hatchet and staked out a table in the corner. He ate, flipped through the paper and did the crossword puzzle, all the while glancing around at the students milling about. The looked so young to him, the memories of his college days seemed centuries old, not decades old. In seven years, Jake would be one of those college students, it was hard to believe, time was flying by so quickly. 

With a sigh and a slight limp, Josh headed off to class. 


	5. Port of Indecision 5

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

Three hours later and one more class behind him, Josh headed back to his office to wait for Ben to come and drive him home. He took some things out of his backpack and shoved in some others, flicked through the television channels and listened to his voice mail. 

There was a message from Jerry, asking if they could move their meeting up to the following afternoon, instead on Friday. Josh called back and left a message with his secretary letting her know that would be fine. Trouble was, Josh hadn't exactly talked to Donna about the way he'd been feeling like he was ready for a change. Now he had less than 24 hours to figure out what he wanted and talk to his wife. 

As his hip was feeling ok at the moment he got up to pace around a little. Ending up turned towards the wall behind his desk he came face to face with his diplomas on the wall, all in matching oak frames. Yale, Harvard and his PhD in Public Policy and Administration from GW. He smiled as he remembered all the nights he sat with his laptop next to Jake's crib trying to get his papers written. Jake was just a few months old when he'd started back to school. Going back for his doctorate wasn't something he had ever planned on doing but when he decided to take an adjunct teaching position at GW, the time just seemed right. Donna was home with Jake and that gave him plenty of time to both work and go to school. 

"Josh, you ready to go?" Ben asked from the doorway where he had been watching Josh stare at the wall for a few minutes. Josh just turned and nodded. "You ok?" Ben asked as he flicked off the television. 

"Yeah, I think so. Are you doing anything tonight?" 

"I was going to try and catch up on my reading. Why, do you need help with something?" Ben asked curiously as Josh shut the door behind him. 

"I need to talk to Donna about something." 

"I can take the boys out to eat and then to the library, we can all do our homework," Ben offered. "Everything ok? This isn't about the appointment with Dr. Conners this morning is it?" 

"No, not really," Josh said, offering no more information than that. Ben didn't ask anymore questions and the ride home was spent in silence. 

The boys were already home when Ben and Josh arrived. They were shooting hoops so Ben parked the car on the far edge of the driveway so they could continue. Given the fact that their backpacks were sitting on the grass and the front door was closed it was obviously they hadn't been in the house yet. "So which one of you forgot your key?" Josh asked as he climbed out of the car. 

"He did," Jake and Jessie both said at the same time. Josh just laughed and climbed the steps to unlock the front door. The boys followed quickly muttering something about dying for a snack and having to use the bathroom. 

Josh called Donna to let her know of their plans. She was more than a little intrigued by Josh's vague statement that he had something to talk about. Like Ben, she was afraid that Jill had given him some bad news earlier in the day. But he assured her that was not the case. Donna was going to ask if he wanted to come back into the city to go out to dinner but the weary tone of his voice stopped her from doing so. 

By the time Donna got home a little after 6, Ben and the boys had already left. The boys had conned Ben into dinner at the ESPN Zone and then convinced him that he could get his reading done at the big Barnes and Noble store, conveniently located right next door to the restaurant. Josh had groaned when he realized just how much the evening was going to cost him. He handed money to Ben for dinner and gave the boys enough so they could each get a book and a drink at the bookstore. 

Josh was on the porch swing, enjoying a rare bottle of beer when Donna pulled into the driveway. She smiled at the sight of him waiting there for her. He was still wearing the clothes he'd worn to school but his shirt tails were hanging out, his sleeves were rolled up past his elbows and his shoes were long gone. With his cane, Josh stopped the swing as Donna hit the top step. She gave him a quick kiss and stole his beer as she kicked off her own shoes and curled up next to him. 

"So what's up?" Donna asked as she handed the bottle back to Josh and snuggled against his side. 

"I don't even know where to start," Josh sighed as he brushed his hand over her blond hair. 

"How about you start with what happened at Jill's this morning. Your message wasn't exactly informative," she pointed out as she took the beer back. 

"Barring anything strange showing up on the blood work, looks like a basic case of arthritis. Gave me a prescription and some suggestions for exercises at PT. Had some x-rays done and I go back in two weeks. She said to try ice if the heat doesn't seem to work." 

"OK, so how is it feeling now?" Donna asked as she moved her hand from Josh's knee and rubbed his hip. 

"Sore from too much poking and prodding," Josh sighed. 

"Sorry," Donna said, pulling her hand away. 

"You weren't poking and prodding," Josh said with a big dimpled grin. Donna snaked her hand under Josh's shirt and ran her hand down his side. 

"How was school?" 

"Good, I guess. Just wasn't in the mood for it today." 

"Too much poking and prodding before you got to work?" Donna guessed with a laugh. 

"I suppose," Josh said quietly. His sudden change in tone and demeanor let Donna know she was about zero in on what was bothering him. 

"Josh, talk to me," Donna said as she sat up a little to look him in the eye. "What's the matter?" 

"I don't know," he answered honestly as he fidgeted with his cane. The look on his face told Donna he wasn't lying; he really didn't know what was wrong. And if she was going to try and help him to figure it out, she was going to need food and more comfortable clothes. 

"It's ok. We'll figure it out," she said, using much the same tone she used with the boys. She got to her feet and held out her hand to help Josh up. "I'm hungry and need to change out of these clothes," she announced as she pulled him into the house. 

While Donna went to get changed, Josh grabbed another beer for them to share, found the menu for their favorite pizza place, and in case Donna wasn't in the mood for pizza, he also grabbed the one for the Chinese place. Josh curled up on the chair in the corner of their bedroom to wait for Donna to get out of the bathroom. It was one of his favorite brooding places, right up there with the steps in front of the Lincoln Memorial but it was much more practical in the dead of winter or in the middle of the night. 

"You can pick," Josh said as he handed her the menus. She waved off the menus and picked up the phone to order a mushroom pizza and a Caesar Salad. She curled up next to Josh after hanging up the phone, careful to sit on the arm of the chair and not fall into his lap and risk landing on his right leg. 

She brushed back his hair and planted a soft kiss of his forehead, lingering for a minute as he wrapped his arms around her waist and held on tight. "I don't know what's wrong," he repeated as he dipped his head down, tucking it beneath Donna's chin. 

"Getting a little antsy or bored with teaching?" she guessed as she lifted his chin to look him in the eye. 

"Something like that, I guess. I have an appointment with Jerry tomorrow afternoon about next semester and I honestly don't know what to tell him. Part of me says just go ahead and teach the same classes I did last fall," Josh said, his voice trailing off. 

"And the other part of you?" 

"Doesn't know if I want different classes or no classes at all. I think I need a break," Josh muttered with a shrug of his shoulders as he backed into the far corner of the chair, suddenly finding the pattern on his plaid shirt fascinating. 

"Joshua, look at me," Donna urged as she lifted his chin up again. "What's this really about?" she asked, truly believing that there had to be more to the story. Josh just shrugged his shoulders. What he was really feeling was honestly nothing he could put into words at that moment. 

"It's perfectly understandable if you need a break. You've been teaching for over ten years, give or take a few semesters. Is it...is it that you can't handle it?" Donna asked quietly, not sure how to broach the subject, or even quite what she meant by her question. She cringed at how mean the question actually sounded when said aloud. 

"Handle it how?" Josh asked, apparently not bothered by how the question came out. "Physically, mentally, emotionally?" 

"Yeah, pick one...or two...or three," Donna said as she rubbed his back. 

"I guess there's some physical part to it." 

"But your hip is a new thing. I mean, sure you've limped and used a cane for years but it's never really slowed you down. This is something new. Give it time. The semester is almost over, you have the whole summer to deal with it and get some rest." 

"I know," Josh sighed. 

"But like I said, if you want a break, you are more than entitled to it. Financially, you could retire now and never work again, we'd be just fine," Donna pointed out. 

"I know," Josh repeated. "But..." 

"But what?" Donna asked, pressing for an answer or at least for some more information. 

"But...I don't know," Josh sighed as he pushed himself up to stand. It was clear to Donna that they were getting nowhere fast. Tired and hungry wasn't exactly the best state for Josh. Add in confusion and pain and things were bound to quickly spiral downward. 

"Why don't you change and I'll get some plates and stuff out for dinner," Donna suggested. Josh agreed with nothing more than a slight nod in her direction. 


	6. Port of Indecision 6

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

The pizza guy was just pulling into the driveway as Josh came down the hall. He heard Donna open the front door and chat for a minute with the driver, who was the older brother of one of Jake's friends from school. 

"Tim's going to Harvard next year," Donna said as she set the pizza and the salad on the counter. 

"Tim?" Josh asked. 

"The pizza guy, Michael's brother," she said as she opened the pizza box. 

"Oh," Josh muttered as he grabbed a bottle of beer out of the fridge. He looked at Donna before opening it. They'd already shared two beers and he wanted to see if she was going to get on his case about opening another. 

"Share," she said with a slight warning tone in her voice. She handed Josh a plate with a slice of pizza and a serving of salad which he took without complaint. He sat down at the kitchen table and reached for the remote to the television. The glare he got from Donna caused him to put the TV remote back and pick up the one for the CD player mounted under the cabinet. He hit play and the sound of an old Bruce Springsteen tune filled the room. They ate for a while in comfortable silence, enjoying the relative peace and quiet. 

"So what would you do?" Donna asked as she reached for the beer before Josh had a chance to finish it. 

"Huh?" Josh asked, clearly not really paying attention to her. 

"If you quit your job, what would you do?" she asked with a roll of her eyes. 

"Maybe take up knitting or marathon running," Josh smirked as he got up to grab another slice of pizza. 

"Josh," Donna said in a tone that told him she was looking for a serious answer, for a serious conversation. 

"I don't know. I know I can't just sit around here all day. I'd have a "nutty" in no time," he smirked before his face turned serious. "I can always lecture more. If I took every offer I got I'd be busy 5 nights a week." 

"True, although I'm not sure how well you'd do with that," Donna said, not wanting to dash his hopes, but instead wanting to keep him looking on the realistic side. An occasional lecture was fine and he enjoyed them. But to put in him in a crowded room 5 nights a week wasn't a good idea. Add in traveling and he would be headed for big trouble in less than a month. 

"I know how well I'd do," Josh muttered. "Disaster of epic proportions," he said with a grin. 

"Well, at least you know your limitations," Donna said, returning the grin. While her tone was teasing there was an edge of seriousness to it. Over the past 9 months Josh had grappled with and come to some pretty healthy conclusions about what he was and wasn't able to do, physically, mentally and emotionally. Donna was very proud of him for the decisions he'd made and the way he accepted help more readily nowadays. 

"I was thinking of writing," Josh said as few minutes later as he stabbed the last piece of romaine lettuce on his plate. He shoved it into his mouth, waiting for Donna's reaction. 

"Writing what?" she asked curiously. 

"Don't know. I still have a couple of open offers to write for a few magazines. The kids at The Hatchet are always asking me to do something." 

"Sounds good." 

"Really?" Josh asked. He was surprised at the calmness of the whole situation. He hadn't been sure what to expect but this wasn't it. 

"Josh," Donna said as she tapped on his right knee to get him to put his foot up in her lap. "I just want you to be happy. If you want to take the fall semester off, that's fine with me. If you want to quit teaching altogether, that's fine too. It's not like we're depending on your salary to eat. We're fine if you never work again. Why don't you make a decision about the fall semester in the next few days? Then you can have the summer off, just as you always do. If you find that you're completely bored to tears you can find something else. You're marginally employable," she teased as she rubbed his foot and leg. 

"Yeah, 30 years of political experience and degrees from Harvard, Yale and George Washington ought to get me something," Josh snorted. 

"Even if that last degree was just for show," Donna teased. 

"Yeah, yeah. I just wanted it so my students could call me Dr. Lyman. And you know what?" 

"They all call you Josh?" Donna guessed, knowing her husband didn't even like to be called "Mr." Lyman. Not even by the kids in the neighborhood. 

"Yeah, they all call me Josh," he said with a dimpled grin. "Let me up and walk for a minute, before I get too stiff." Donna gently set his foot down and helped pull him up to his feet. Josh walked around for a minute, cleaning up the remains of their dinner and putting on a kettle of water for tea. Donna threw a load of laundry in the washer and added a few things to the shopping list on the refrigerator while they waited for the water to boil. 

As had been the norm for a month or so, by evening the pain in Josh's hip that came and went during the day, had decided to stay. Donna watched from the archway as Josh leaned against the counter and absently rubbed his hip. 

"Why don't you go start the water in the tub? Soak and relax for a while in the peace and quiet. The boys will be home soon," Donna suggested as the look on Josh's face gave away the fact he was rather uncomfortable. 

"Yeah, that sounds good," Josh agreed as he pushed himself away from the counter and grabbed his cane from where he'd hung it on the handle of the silverware drawer. "Join me?" he called over his shoulder as he headed down the hall. 

"Sure," Donna called back as she turned off the stove and poured the water for their tea. By the time she got to the bathroom Josh had already started the water, lit a few candles and dumped in a generous amount of cranky baby bubbles. The smell of the lavender and vanilla filled the air. Donna smiled at the sight of Josh standing there in his boxers, checking out his ever receding hairline in the mirror over the sink. 

"Stop messing with it before it all falls out," Donna teased as she wrapped her arms around him from behind. She rested her chin on his shoulder and her eyes met his in the mirror. She pressed a kiss to the back of his shoulder as she unwrapped her arms from around him and slid her hands down to ease his boxers over his hips. Josh put a hand on the vanity to steady himself as he kicked the boxers aside and turned around to "help" Donna out of her shorts and t-shirt. She stepped into the tub first and held out her hand to Josh to help him over the side. "Front or back?" she asked. 

"Front." 

They settled down in the tubful of bubbles in the candlelight, enjoying the rare moment of peace and quiet in the house. Donna could feel Josh start to relax as the water got deeper and he sank lower and lower until the bubbles nearly touched his chin. He inhaled the scent of the bubbles and melted into Donna's embrace. They watched the candlelight dance across around the room and just enjoyed the moment. 

"You ok?" Donna asked a while later as she reached around Josh to add a little more hot water. 

"Yeah, I think so. Still a little confused, tired and downright scared, but yeah, I'll be ok," he said with a laugh. 

"Whatever you decide, you know I'll support you." 

"Yeah, you'll have to support me, if I retire," Josh laughed as he pulled Donna's arms around him just a little tighter. 

"I think we'll be able to scrape by," Donna teased as she unwrapped her arms and reached for her tea. She handed Josh his mug and he took a few sips before handing it back. "Feel any better?" she asked as she ran her hand over his hip. Josh stretched his leg out a little. 

"I think it's a little better. The heat helped." 

"Good," Donna whispered as she pulled him back a little further, running her hands down his thighs. 

"Yeah, I think I'm up for a little fun," Josh said as he squirmed under her touch. 

"Really?" Donna purred in his ear. 

"Yeah, I think I'm up for it," he teased as he looked down at the dissipating bubbles. 


	7. Port of Indecision 7

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

Donna was already in the shower by the time Josh woke up the next morning. He crawled out of bed and threw on his bathrobe. By the time he had picked the newspaper off the front porch and poured himself a cup of coffee, Josh had made his decision. He went back into the bedroom; apparently Donna was taking her own sweet time in the shower so he knocked once and went into the bathroom. "Save some hot water for me," he called as he slid up to sit next to the sink. Donna opened the shower door and stuck out her tongue at him. "Or I could come in and we could conserve the hot water," Josh suggested as he waggled his eyebrows over his coffee cup. 

"Sorry, just getting out," Donna teased as she turned off the water and reached to grab a towel. 

"Can't blame a guy for trying," Josh grinned as he slid over a little so Donna could see in the mirror. 

"So, come to any conclusions?" she asked as she reached for a comb. Josh just nodded as he put down his coffee and took the comb out of her hand. Donna turned around and Josh carefully eased the comb through her wet hair. "So are you going to share any of those conclusions?" she asked with a laugh. 

"I'm going to resign," he replied quietly, stopping mid comb. Donna reached behind and pulled the comb out of her hair and his hand. When she turned around she saw the uncertainty and sadness in her husband's eyes. She gathered Josh into her arms and gently rubbed his back. 

"It's the right decision. It'll be fine," she said quietly, hoping to reassure him even though at that moment, she could use a little reassuring herself. "I understand," she whispered as she kissed his cheek. 

"How can you understand?" Josh whispered back with a little laugh. "I'm not sure I understand," he muttered as he extracted himself from her embrace. 

"After 20 years, you still haven't figured out that I know you better than you know yourself," Donna teased as she reached out to pick Josh's chin up and look him in the eye. Josh gave a little grin and shrugged his shoulders. Donna kissed him softly and steered him towards the shower. 

At 2:00 that afternoon, Josh walked out of Jerry Blake's office into a light spring rain. He dug his umbrella out of his backpack and opened it up to head to the Student Center to grab a cup of coffee. His meeting with Jerry had gone well. Jerry didn't seem too surprised at Josh's resignation; he could tell that Josh was getting restless and ready for a change. He assured Josh he would always be welcome to return and they talked about the possibility of Josh doing a lecture or two in the Fall. 

Josh took a seat in the Student Center with his coffee and a chocolate muffin. He tried to call Donna but she was in a meeting so he left a message with her assistant Megan. He sat and did a little "people watching" while he sipped his coffee and picked at the muffin. A couple of students stopped by to talk for a few minutes but quickly went on their way. 

Twenty minutes before he was supposed to meet Ben at his office, Josh headed out into the rain, which had been picking up in intensity over the past hour or so. As he walked across the courtyard on his way to his office he had mixed feelings about the decision he'd made. Deep down, he was pretty sure it was the right one but that didn't keep him from feeling a little sad and even a little lost. By the time he reached his office he was cold, wet and his hip was protesting every step. All he wanted to do was to go home, take a hot shower and spend some quality time with Donna, the boys and the Mets game on cable. 

That's just what he did. 

The next week and a half flew by in a blur of finals for Josh's students and Ben, baseball practices for Jake and some late nights at the office for Donna. For Jessie, there had been a class trip to the American History Museum, chaperoned by his father, and an afternoon in the city with Donna, consisting of a trip to the eye doctor and lunch with Senator Fernandez. 

The members of the Lyman family weren't the only ones with things going on. Zoey and Charlie Young welcomed the newest addition to their family on the day Josh resigned. Henry Joshua Young weighed in at a nice 8 pounds even and was adored by his parents and his siblings, Eddie and Sophie. Josh and Donna took the boys over to see the baby the day after Zoey and Henry gave home. Jake gave Zoey a quick kiss and the baby an even quicker glance before heading outside to shoots baskets with Eddie. Jessie, on the other hand, was completely enthralled by the baby. As Josh held his namesake, Jessie sat next to them, staring at Henry and running his hand over the boy's dark curls. He was beside himself when Josh handed him the baby to hold. Donna snapped a few pictures, one which currently resided on Jessie's nightstand. While Josh and Donna both admitted that the baby was adorable, holding him did not cause either of them to rethink their decision not to try and have any more children. 

Josh was doing well on the new medication and it seemed to be helping a little, although Jill had warned him that it might take a while for him to get the full effect. He took her suggestion about trying ice instead of the heating pad and that had helped too. The only thing he hadn't done, and he was sure Jill would get on his case about, was do a little stretching at home. Donna had not gotten on his case about it and that surprised him a little but he was sure she was just waiting for the right time to start bugging him. 

With school done, Donna was worried Josh would be thrown into the full-force brooding for which he was known. But that hadn't seemed to be the case. He kept busy, going to therapy, reading and hanging out at his favorite coffee shop downtown. One bright, clear morning he hopped on the Metro and took it to Arlington Cemetery to place flowers on the grave of Mrs. Landingham. It was something he did every May, always first thing in the morning and always alone. He used to make a yearly trip to the Neweum too, but when it was moved to a new location a few blocks from the Capitol he stopped visiting the sight of the shooting. He'd been to the other location a few times, mostly with boys and their class trips but it didn't hold the same meaning or horror for him, it was just another place to visit. 

So Josh was easing into his new life, although so far, nothing was really different from any other May in recent Lyman family history. 

On Friday morning Josh's hip was feeling pretty good so he walked Jessie to school and headed to Jill's office for his follow up visit. Donna had wanted to come along but Josh declined, reason being that if something was really wrong, Jill would have called them personally. Josh picked up coffee and bagels, because when the appointment was first thing in the morning, it was his job to supply the food. 

"In my office," Jill yelled when she heard Josh come in the front door. "OK, I'm a little short on time so let's cut to the chase," Jill said a few minutes later, after she'd finished half her bagel. 

"OK," Josh said, starting to get a little worried. 

"Josh," Jill started with a laugh. "Nothing really bad, I'm just backed up this morning," she assured him. She reached behind her and grabbed the envelope with his x-rays in it. "Follow me," she said as she picked up her coffee and headed for an exam room. Josh followed dutifully, despite Jill's assurance that nothing was really wrong he was starting to get more than a little nervous. 

"Have a seat," Jill said, motioning towards the exam table, while she flicked on the light board. She stuck the x-rays up and turned to Josh, finding him pale and looking more than slightly uneasy. "OK, I guess we'll get your blood pressure at the end of the visit," Jill teased as she put her hand on his knee. "Josh, take a deep breath and let's look at the x-rays." 

"OK," he said, swallowing hard. Jill just rolled her eyes a little at him and shook her head. 

"First of all, your blood work was fine, nothing out of the ordinary. But the x-ray shows some, for lack of a better word "junk" floating around in the hip joint." 

"Junk?" Josh asked as he pushed his glasses up further on his nose and leaned closer to the x-ray. 

"Cartilage and other "floating bodies" as they are called. That's what causes the clicking and locking you complained about. And all that stuff floating around causes inflammation and pain, your basic cause of arthritis. How's the new prescription working out?" 

"Seems to be helping I guess," Josh said. 

"Give it a few more weeks. Been stretching at home?" Jill asked, pretty sure she already knew the answer. Josh just shook his head. "Not what I wanted to hear. What I expected, but not what I wanted," she said with a warning in her voice that made Josh cringe inside. 

"So what happens if the drugs don't work?" Josh asked as Jill flicked off the light and reached for the blood pressure cuff. He held out his arm, wincing a little as she pumped up the cuff. 

"Good," she said as she tugged to release the Velcro. "If the drugs, and the stretching, don't work or if things get worse, arthroscopic surgery is always an option." 

"Surgery," Josh whined. 

"First of all, you're not at that point. Secondly, the surgery is not invasive. We'd make a few small incisions, insert a camera and go in and clean out the "junk". For most people, it's day surgery." 

"But for me, I don't suppose it would be day surgery," Josh said with a smirk. 

"Probably not. But like I said, you are not at that point. We're going to give it at least a few months. Follow my instructions, all of them," she warned with a poke to Josh's chest. He laughed and crossed his heart. "By the way, your blood pressure was the lowest it's been in over a year," Jill added with a smile. "Watching what you eat?" she asked as she gathered up Josh's chart and his x-rays. 

"Trying to," Josh said as he slid off the exam table. 

"Good," Jill said as she glanced at her watch. "If we don't see any improvement in a month or so, I'll set you up for an appointment with a orthopedic friend of mine. And now, I have to run. Keep in touch; let me know how things are going." 

"I will," Josh said as he headed out of the room. 

"Oh, wait," Jill called as she stepped into her office. She came back out a few seconds later with a gift bag. "This is for Jake. Tell him I said "Happy Birthday"." 

"You didn't need to get him anything, but thanks," Josh said as he headed for the waiting room and Jill headed to see her next patient. 


	8. Port of Indecision 8

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

Jake was up at the crack of dawn on Saturday. Although his birthday was actually Sunday, Saturday was the day Josh was taking him and a few of his friends to see the Nationals play. The game wasn't until 5:30 that night but Jake was too excited to spend one more minute in bed. By the time Donna got up, Jake had already eaten a bowl of cereal, watched two shows on television and read the sports page. 

"Up a little early today," Donna teased as she went into the kitchen to start the coffee maker. It was a little after 8:00 and Josh, Jessie and Ben were still all asleep. 

"Too excited to sleep," Jake muttered as he reached for a banana out of the fruit basket on the counter. 

"You do realize, you're not leaving for the game for like another 7 hours," Donna teased as she pulled a coffee mug out of the dish drainer and took the milk out of the fridge. 

"Where's Dad?" Jake asked. 

"Sleeping," Donna replied as she glanced at the front page of the paper. 

"Still?" Jake whined as he bit into his banana. 

"Jacob, it's 10 after 8 in the morning. Your Dad had a long week and he didn't sleep well last night," Donna replied as she hunted in the pantry cabinet for the corn flakes. 

"He's not sick is he, we don't have to cancel do we?" Jake asked, his voice nearing the panic stage. 

"No," chuckled Donna, "I assure you, Dad is just fine. Now go find something to occupy yourself until your brother gets up." Jake slid off the stool and headed to the family room. Donna laughed to herself, she wasn't about to tell Jake that the reason Josh was so tired involved massage oil, candles and some really good sex. There were some things an about to be 11 year old did not need to hear about his parents. 

By 9 Josh was the only one still left in bed. Ben had gone out for a run with the boys following him on their bikes and Donna had just thrown a load of laundry in the washer. She heard Josh head into the bathroom so she poured him a cup of coffee and stuck a bagel in the toaster for him. 

"What service," he muttered as he came into the kitchen a few minutes later to find breakfast waiting for him, complete with the newspaper by his place at the table. 

"Don't get used to it," Donna yelled from the family room. "Since you're, you know, unemployed, I expect to be waited on from now on," she teased as she came into the kitchen. She crossed the room to drop a kiss on the top of Josh's head. He pushed the chair back a little and pulled Donna into his lap to give her a proper, coffee flavored, kiss good morning. 

"Where are the boys?" Josh asked as minute later as Donna stood up and sat in her own chair so he could eat. 

"Ben went to run and they followed him on their bikes. Jake was up at the crack of dawn this morning. When you were still sleeping at 8 he was getting worried you were sick. I assured him you were just fine." 

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little worn out. Someone kept me up late last night," Josh smirked as he picked up his coffee cup. 

"Yeah, and you're completely innocent," Donna snorted as she got up to go take a shower. She ran her hand through Josh's hair as she passed him by. "Take it easy today," she suggested as she headed down the hall. Josh thought about making a comment about how he "wasn't an invalid" but truth was it was probably going to be a rough night at the game. By dinner time he was usually fading and his hip throbbing. But the baseball game was something Jake had been looking forward to for weeks and there was no way Josh was going to disappoint his son. 

Donna kept the boys occupied by having them help her in the yard. If they'd been left to their own devices, they'd be asking "is it time to leave" every ten minutes during the day. Jessie weeded the flower beds with Donna and Jake dragged the outdoor furniture out of the garage, hosed it down and set it up on the deck. 

With the house relatively quiet, Josh finished grading all his papers, logged onto the school's computer system and posted the grades for the semester. He grudgingly sat on the floor in the family room, with CNN droning on in the background while he attempted some of the stretching exercises Jill had suggested. While he felt like a complete fool sitting on the floor and doing them, he had to admit some of them actually felt pretty good. 

After a late lunch and a rather firm suggestion from his wife, Josh took some Tylenol, grabbed the ice pack out of the freezer and stretched out on the couch in his study. Since he'd slept late, and hadn't actually done much during the morning, he didn't sleep but rather flicked through the television channels a few times and read for an hour or so. 

"I thought you were going to sleep," Donna said as she poked her head in the study a few minutes before 3. 

"Not tired. But I swear I've been off my feet for an hour and half," Josh said as he tossed his book aside and scooted over a little to give Donna room to perch on the couch next to him. "Where are the boys?" Josh asked as she sat down and leaned over to plant a kiss on his forehead. 

"Jake is in the shower upstairs and Jessie's in our bathroom." 

"In the tub with bubbles and singing at the top of his lungs, no doubt," Josh mused with a smile on his face. 

"Well, he is your child," Donna snorted. 

"So what are you doing while we're at the game?" Josh asked as he sat and took off his glasses to rub his eyes for a minute. 

"I'm meeting Margaret for dinner and gossip." 

"Girly stuff," Josh teased. 

"Of course. Why don't you go change and I'll see what I can do about dragging Jessie out of the bathtub," Donna suggested. Josh nodded and let Donna pull him to his feet. When she was satisfied Josh was steady on his feet, she handed him his cane and left to head down the hall. 

At 4:45 Josh, Jake, Jessie, and two of Jake friends, Michael and Scott all piled out of the minivan outside RFK Stadium. Josh walked to the driver's side to kiss Donna good bye while the 4 boys waited impatiently on the sidewalk. "OK, let's go," Josh announced as he waved one last time to Donna. He and the boys headed for the main gate of the stadium. 

The excitement of the four boys, the general atmosphere of the stadium and the beautiful spring night all added together and amounted to a very enjoyable evening for all. Josh's hip didn't give him too much trouble at all, the boys were well behaved and the Mets beat the Nationals 8-1 much to the disappointment of Jake and his friends and the delight of Josh and Jessie. 

While the "boys" enjoyed the game, Donna went out for dinner with Margaret. They hadn't had a chance to just go out and dish in quite a while and they both enjoyed it immensely. Donna told Margaret of Josh's decision to resign his teaching position, asking her to keep the news to herself as they hadn't really told anyone yet. Donna wanted Josh to call Leo and Jed and tell them himself, before they heard it from somewhere else. 

Thanks to cotton candy and soda all the boys, including Josh, were hyped up on sugar and caffeine by the time Donna picked them up at the ballpark. But somehow they still managed to convince her to stop for ice cream on the way home. The ride back to Bethesda was rather loud with the boys singing at the top of their lungs to the radio. At a red light, Donna stole a glance at Josh who was curled up in the passenger's seat, he had a look of tired contentment and it made Donna smile. 

Donna settled the boys into their own booth at the ice cream place and slipped into a nearby booth with Josh, who was happy for a little relative peace and quiet. The night was quickly catching up to him and he propped his head up in his right hand. "Besides being tired, are you ok?" Donna asked, as she reached across the table to grab his hand. 

"Just a little headache from too much noise," Josh admitted as he tossed his glasses on the table and pinched the bridge of his nose. Donna pulled a small bottle of Tylenol out of her bag and handed him two which he took gratefully and swallowed with the water the waitress had just placed in front of him. "Thanks," he muttered as he turned his attention towards the menu. 

It was almost midnight by the time they'd left the ice cream place and dropped off Michael and Scott. Jessie had fallen asleep in the car and Josh was not far behind. Donna was about to go in the house and ask Ben to come out and carry Jessie in when Jake woke his brother with a smack to the back of his head. The glare he earned from his mother sent Jake into the house to get ready for bed rather quickly. Donna led Josh into the house and deposited him in the chair in the corner of their room, before locking up and checking on the boys one last time. 

Jessie, predictably, was sound asleep by the time Donna checked on him. He'd managed to kick off his shoes before crawling into bed but beyond that, he was fully dressed, including his beloved Mets hat. Donna carefully pulled it off and brushed back his blond curls before dropping a kiss on his forehead and covering him up with the plaid quilt. 

Jake was brushing his teeth and logging onto AOL on the laptop that had arrived a few days earlier, a gift from Jed, Abbey and Leo for his 11th birthday. Josh and Donna had tried to talk them out of such an expensive gift but as was expected, they didn't succeed. "Jake, it's late," Donna reminded him as she picked up the shorts he'd just tossed on the floor. Standing in front of the computer in striped boxers and a white t-shirt with toothpaste on his chin he looked like a blond version of his father. 

"I just want to check my mail," he said as he walked into the bathroom that separated his room from Jessie's. He got a drink of water and wiped his face before returning. 

"Quickly," Donna warned. Jake nodded and gave her a quick kiss goodnight before opening his mailbox, presumably to check for email from Janie. 

"They asleep?" Josh asked when Donna came back downstairs. She had quite expected Josh to have climbed in bed and fallen asleep in the ten minutes she was gone. But he was right where she left him, curled up in the chair, looking out the window. 

"Jessie crashed and Jake is quickly checking his email," Donna replied as she pulled her shirt over her head and reached for a nightshirt out of the drawer. "Go brush your teeth and get into bed," she suggested as a Josh tried to hold back a massive yawn. He pushed himself out of the seat and padded barefoot to the bathroom. 

Twenty minutes later, everyone was sound asleep for the night. 


	9. Port of Indecision 9

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

Sunday morning dawned with a light spring rain but by mid-morning the weather had cleared. Jake and Jessie, along with what seemed like half the neighborhood played basketball in the driveway for hours, stopping only long enough to inhale the hot dogs and hamburgers Josh had cooked on the grill. 

By early evening the kids had headed home and Jake and Jessie came in to get ready for dinner. As was tradition in the Lyman house, the birthday boy got to pick where they went out to eat. Jake chose his favorite pizza place in town. Dinner was nice, just the 4 of them as Ben had gone to Annie's for the night. 

When they got home Donna ushered the boys inside and made sure they got ready for the week ahead, placing their backpacks by the door, having her sign any necessary permission slips and checking the lunch menu. Josh stayed on the front porch, relaxing in the swing. It certainly felt strange to him not having to do any worrying about his own week ahead. He read the paper for a while and made a half hearted attempt at the Sunday crossword puzzle but didn't get too far. 

Tossing the paper aside, he took off his glasses for a minute. He watched as an unfamiliar car pulled up in front of the house. "What the hell?" he muttered to himself as he reached for his cane. 

The driver stepped out of the car and even without his glasses on, Josh knew by the unmistakable gait that it was none other than Leo McGarry. Josh carefully walked down the front steps as he put on his glasses. "What in the world are you doing here?" he asked as Leo crossed the lawn. 

"Nice to see you too Josh," Leo smirked as he gave Josh a quick hug. Leo took a step back and gave Josh the usual "once over", something all Josh's friends did after they hadn't seen him for a while. It was mildly annoying but he put up with in nonetheless. "You look good," Leo said as the pair headed up the steps. "I was in town for the weekend. A spur of the moment thing. I didn't know how long I would be around so I didn't call. But I found myself free tonight so I thought I'd stop by. I tried to call a little while ago." 

"We were out to dinner, for Jake's birthday," Josh explained. 

"I figured," Leo replied Josh opened the front door. "The boys still awake?" he asked glancing at his watch. 

"Probably. DONNA," Josh yelled up the stairs. 

"Joshua, don't bellow," she called down. 

"Fine, come down for a minute," he called back a little quieter this time. He and Leo heard Donna toss something down and head for the stairs, obviously a little annoyed at being "summoned". 

Her annoyance disappeared when she started down the stairs and got a look at who was waiting for her. She flew into Leo's embrace, kissing him soundly on the cheek and holding him tight for a minute. As Leo had done to Josh, she gave him the once over too. Although his once sandy blond hair had turned white over the years, Leo pretty much looked the same as he had during their years in the White House. Sure he was older and maybe a little slower, but retirement or at least the Leo McGarry idea of retirement certainly agreed with him. As Donna took Leo's jacket and hung it up on the clothes tree in the foyer the boys bounded down the stairs to see what all the commotion was about. 

It was after 10 by the time Donna got the boys settled down for the night. She found Josh and Leo in the kitchen, snacking on the leftover pizza from dinner. The three chatted for a while, just like old times. Nothing was mentioned about the change in Josh's employment status and Leo hadn't really asked about his job. Donna hoped that given the chance to talk alone with Leo, Josh would confide his feelings to his former mentor. 

Mindful of the stack of memos sitting in her tote bag waiting to be read, Donna said her "goodnights" a little after 11. As Leo stood to give her a hug she offered him the guest room for the night, which he accepted immediately. He had this strange feeling there was something he and Josh needed to discuss and was pretty sure it wasn't a 15 minutes conversation. Donna kissed Josh and silently pleaded with him to talk to Leo. 

"So, how about some tea and then you can start talking," Leo said when Donna was out of earshot. Josh drew a deep breath, there was no use lying to Leo, he hadn't gotten away with that in many, many years. 

"Fine," he muttered as he grabbed the tea kettle off the stove to fill it. "Do you need clothes or something to sleep in?" he asked as he flicked on the burner. 

"Nah, I stuck a bag in the car. Had a feeling I might stay," Leo chuckled as he slipped on his shoes and headed for the front door. While he was gone, Josh changed into his pajamas, promising Donna he wouldn't come to bed until he'd told Leo everything that was going on, or until one of them fell asleep, whichever happened first. 

"So, spill it," Leo said as the two of the settled down in Josh's study, Josh stretched out on the couch, Leo in the overstuffed leather armchair that had once belonged to Noah Lyman. 

"I never could hide anything from you, could I?" Josh snorted as he took a sip of tea. 

"Nope. I've known you for....good God, 50 years," Leo muttered in amazement. "I know when something is up, so spill," Leo repeated. 

"I resigned from George Washington," Josh said simply, wanting to gauge Leo's honest reaction. A look of slight surprise came over the older man's face but he certainly did not look shocked. 

"Health reasons?" Leo asked. He had certainly taken notice of how Josh relied on the cane more than ever, even in short amount of time he'd been there. 

"I suppose that's part of it. It wasn't one thing that caused me to make the decision. It was everything, the restless feeling you get when you've been doing the same thing for years, the need for a change and yeah, there were some physical concerns, I guess," Josh said as he quickly spit out his explanation. When he stopped he looked at Leo, not quite actually sure of what he'd said. 

"What's with the leg?" Leo asked figuring the physical aspect would be the easiest thing for Josh to talk about. 

"Hip actually," Josh absently corrected. "Newly diagnosed with arthritis, which I suppose was inevitable. Doc wants to try drugs and exercise before we consider anything more invasive. So she put me on something new a few weeks ago. I guess it is helping but it's been a busy few weeks so it's a little hard to tell." 

"Busy and emotional, I would imagine," Leo said quietly, knowing that the month of May was still a hard one in the Lyman household. Josh just nodded. "What's really going on?" Leo asked bluntly. 

Josh just snorted and shook his head. "I honestly don't know. I think I'm just tired." 

"Why not just take the summer off, like you usually do?" Josh shrugged his shoulders. "So what are you going to do now? Knit?" Leo asked as he reached for his tea. 

"Take it easy for the summer; maybe do a little more lecturing in the fall. I've had some interest in a monthly column from a few magazines, maybe I'll pursue that." 

"It's not like you have to work, right?" Leo asked. He knew they were fairly well off and didn't think that money was much of an issue. 

"Financially, no I don't have to work. Mentally, I think I have to do something," Josh chuckled. "I don't think I'm cut out to be a full-time stay at home Dad." 

"How does Donna feel about everything?" 

"She just wants me to be happy. Which is great but sometimes I wish she voiced a more...I don't even know how to phrase it," Josh stumbled around a little, gesturing vaguely with his hand, nearly knocking over his tea. 

"More of an opinion and less of just wanting to see you happy?" Leo guessed. 

"Yeah. But I suppose I really shouldn't complain at all, she'd stand by me through anything and there are a lot of guys out there who don't get that kind of support." 

"You got that right," Leo muttered. "So when were you going to tell me all this?" he asked curiously. 

"It was on my list of things to do this week," Josh said sheepishly. 

"Good. Have you called Jed?" 

"Not yet. Maybe tomorrow." 

"Why don't you tell him in person? I'm going to fly up there for a few days; Abbey is coming down to spend time with Zoey, Charlie and the kids. Jed isn't up to making the trip and she doesn't want to leave him alone. Why don't you come with me," Leo offered. 

"I can't," Josh said quickly. 

"Why not?" Leo pressed. Josh thought for a minute. He was done with school, so was Ben, Donna didn't have any overnight trips that week and the boys' schedule wasn't any busier than usual. 

"Guess there isn't a really good reason I can't go," Josh chuckled. "I'll talk to Donna in the morning. When are you leaving?" 

"I have a flight tomorrow evening," Leo replied. 

Josh and Leo talked for a while longer, until the point where neither of them could get through a sentence without yawning. 


	10. Port of Indecision 10

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

The next afternoon, the boys got home just in time to help Josh carry his stuff out to the car. They were a little disappointed not to be invited on the trip but Josh promised them that he would take them up over the summer. 

When Josh had approached Donna about going with Leo he was worried that it looked like he was "running away" from his feelings, or whatever. But she saw it as just the opposite, a chance for him to think, bounce ideas off his mentors and just relax. She had to admit she was a little worried about how much trouble Josh, Leo and Jed could get themselves into as with Abbey heading down to see the baby they were being left alone to their own devices. Leo and Josh assured her they would "behave" but she was sure they were crossing their fingers behind their backs when they said it. 

Their flight got them into Manchester a little after 8:00 that night and there was no line at the rental car counter so they pulled into the driveway of the farmhouse a few minutes after 9:00. Abbey and Jed were sitting on the porch swing waiting for them to arrive, although Jed was dozing. Abbey nudged him awake and got up to head down the steps to greet Josh and Leo. 

Despite a valiant attempt to stay awake and visit, Jed was fading fast by 10:00. He bid everyone a good night and shuffled off to bed. Leo went to make a phone call, leaving Josh and Abbey in the kitchen of the farmhouse. 

"He looks...uh, tired," Josh said quietly. 

"I don't think tired is the word you were looking for," Abbey sighed. "Old is what you meant to say," she said with a laugh. Josh just nodded. "Everything just seems to hit him hard, from a simple cold to an MS episode. It takes him longer to recover and lately he doesn't seem to come all the way back from an episode, no matter how much time passes. Do you want some more tea?" she asked as she started to stand. 

"I'll get it," Josh offered as he waved her back down. He started the flame under the kettle and took the teabag Abbey held out to him. "What about mentally?" 

"It's starting to affect him more. He has some trouble remembering things that used to come naturally. The biggest thing he struggles with is word recall, the right word is on the tip of his tongue and he can't get it out. I try not to jump in and give him the word, but it's hard to see him struggle. It depresses him sometimes. The doctor started him on a low dose antidepressant about a month ago, so we're still waiting to see if that's going to help. But on the whole, he's happy and content. He loves the life we have here; he can go into town with Chris and not be bombarded by groups of people. When he's up to it we travel, see the grandkids. He wanted to make the trip with me tomorrow but he's just getting over a bad cold and an "episode" as he still refers to them. So I asked Leo to come up and keep him company. But now with the three of you on the loose here I'm going to have to have Chris come up from the gatehouse every few hours and make sure you're still behaving yourselves. If it were just you and Jed, that wouldn't be so bad as neither of you can drive anywhere," Abbey teased. 

"We'll manage to get into all kinds of trouble just fine. So what kind of delivery do you get out here? Chinese? Pizza?" Josh teased as he got up to pour the water for their tea. 

"None of the above. There's plenty of food in the house, healthy food," she added with a smirk. "I expect to see some of it missing when I get back on Saturday." 

"Yes Ma'am," Josh said with a mock salute. They finished their tea as they chatted about anything and everything from Ben and Annie, to Jessie's reaction to baby Henry, to Josh's resignation. Abbey promised not to tell Jed about that, leaving Josh to fill him in over the next few days. 

Abbey got off to an early start the next morning, before Jed had come out of the bedroom. She spent a few minutes going over some things with both Josh and Leo regarding Jed's condition, things to look for, when to worry, when to relax and go with the flow. It was strange to both of them; it was like they were the babysitters who were getting the instructions on the kids. 

The five days Jed, Josh and Leo spent together were some of the best of their lives. It was truly the first time they'd been alone, with no wives, kids or others around in years and years and certainly the longest time ever they had been alone. With Leo able to drive, Chris, the Bartlet handyman/driver took a few days off to go visit friends in Vermont. 

They relaxed, talked, ate and talked some more. All three shared things they'd never told other living souls. Hours were spent on the back deck with food, old photos and memories. Josh told of his decision to leave the university and the accompanying fears and uncertainties that went with it. Jed bared his soul about the MS, how it was starting to have an effect on all aspects of his life, his fears and the end of life decisions he and Abbey had made together. While it was hard for Josh and Leo to listen to, the things Jed told them were things he wanted them to know and wanted them to understand. Leo told of his, up until then, unmentioned lady friend. 

They took turns cooking, Jed made chili, Josh burned hamburgers on the grill and on their last night together, Leo cooked a marvelous Italian feast.. One afternoon they went into town and snuck into a booth in the back corner of the local diner. They managed to enjoy a leisurely lunch all but unrecognized by anyone, expect for the owner, who sent over enough dessert for an army. 

It was a catharsis of sorts for all of them; fears, hopes and regrets flowed as freely as the coffee, all but forbidden caffeinated coffee, in Jed's case. For all of them being in the public eye they'd learned to hide things, to downplay feelings and situations, but cut off from the rest of the world things came out that they had tucked far away, in many cases, for years. Tears flowed unabashedly down all their faces at least once during the visit. 

By the time Abbey returned Saturday afternoon the guys, while physically rested, were emotionally drained, athough in a good way. Their time together was just what they needed. All were at crossroads in their lives, Jed facing the uncertainty of his illness, Josh facing general uncertainty regarding the next path his life would take, and Leo facing the idea that after years and years, he just might be ready to share his life with someone. 

Saturday night the 4 of them went out to dinner at a nearby seafood place, one of Jed's favorites. It was nice and relaxing. Abbey could tell the time the guys had spent alone had been good for all of them. 

The next morning Abbey was up early and went to Mass by herself, figuring Jed and Leo could go when they got up. As she pulled back into the driveway, after church and a quick stop at the bakery, Leo's rental car was pulling out of the drive, heading for church. Josh was sitting on the front porch in jeans and a sweatshirt, reading the paper and enjoying a cup of coffee. Abbey quickly changed, poured herself some coffee and went out to join him. 

"Thanks," Josh said as she handed him a jelly donut and napkin. "How was church?" 

"Good. I was surprised to see Jed and Leo on their way already. I thought Jed would have slept longer," Abbey mused as she sat down on the swing and tucked her feet under her. 

"He got up right after you left." 

"So how was he this week?" Abbey asked, trying to go for a casual, matter of fact tone. 

"Fine," Josh answered with a smirk, knowing full well she wasn't looking for a one word answer. A little glare from Abbey caused him to elaborate a little. "We had a great time. I think it was what we all needed. The chance to bond a little without any outside distractions was good for all of us. I have to admit seeing Jed struggle to complete a sentence was hard. It really bothered him the first day or so but then it became more of a joke about getting old and less about MS. Does that make sense?" Abbey just nodded. "He had a rough day on Thursday, just seemed more tired than usual, a little grumpy and a little slow moving. So we ditched the plans we had to go out and do something and we stayed on the farm. He was better by that night; we cooked out on the deck and watched a Red Sox game later." 

"What about you, how did you do? I know you don't always do too well away from home," Abbey asked pointedly and Josh knew she was expecting a straight answer of more than one word. 

"I did ok. I haven't been away alone without Donna for more than a night in a long time. Have to admit it was nice not to have anyone hovering over me and getting on my case about things. Not that anyone really hovers over me all that much, but you know what I mean," Josh clarified as he reached for his coffee. 

"How's the hip?" 

"Not bad at the moment. I guess I can admit to having kind of a rough day on Thursday too." 

"At least you both had the same "rough" day," Abbey teased. "But you recovered enough to burn some food for dinner?" she asked with a smile. Josh just chuckled and nodded. "Should I even ask if you stretched at all this week?" Abbey asked with raised eyebrows. 

"I actually did. Ask Jed and Leo, they sat on the couch and made fun of me sitting on the floor," Josh said with a grin. 

"Good." 

The rest of the day passed by too quickly. As was always the case when Josh left the farm there was a feeling in the back of his mind and the pit of his stomach that he was saying good bye to Jed for the last time. Tears flowed as they always did, for everyone had the same feeling. 


	11. Port of Indecision 11

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

Leo and Josh parted ways in the airport, Leo heading home to Cape Cod and Josh catching his flight back to DC. On the flight home Josh made a list of things to do and things to think about in the 5 weeks until the boys were off from school for the summer. At the top of the list was enlisting Ben's help to clean out his campus office. He tucked the list into his backpack and pulled out his iPod, intent on relaxing for the remainder of the flight. 

Donna and Jessie met him at the airport. Jake had had a late afternoon baseball game and he didn't get home in time to go with them. When he first spotted his Dad, Jessie took off running towards Josh stopping only when the security guard stepped in his path. He bounced on the balls of his feet waiting for Josh to cross the security threshold. Donna watched and smiled as she thought about the bond Josh and Jessie shared. She saw the excitement in both their faces as Josh got closer to Jessie. She couldn't help but be a little worried at Josh's limp, but she brushed off her concern as best she could, telling herself he was just stiff from being cramped in coach. The smile on his face as he hugged Jessie did much to push aside all concerns she might have had. She joined them for a three-way hug a minute later. She casually slipped Josh's backpack off his shoulder and handed it to Jessie who proudly slipped his arms through the straps and settled it on his back. 

Jessie asked a lot of questions about Josh's trip during the ride back to the house. He asked if Josh had visited all the places they usually went to when they visited Jed and Abbey. But the truth was the three of them didn't go that many places. They had been content to stick close to the farm. Jessie thought that was a little strange. Donna could tell by the look on Josh's face and the tone of his voice that while he had a great time, he was going to have a hard time explaining why to his 9 year old son. 

"So you really had a good time?" Donna asked as she walked into the kitchen where Josh was poking around in the refrigerator. It was just after 10 and the boys we already asleep. 

"I did, I mean, we all did," Josh said as he pulled a bottle of Snapple out of the fridge and sat down on one of the stools at the counter. "We didn't do a whole lot of things but I think it was a good visit for all three of us. Jessie probably thinks we're a little odd for not doing all the things he considers fun," Josh smirked as he twisted off the cap. "Kind of hard to explain to him why sitting around the farm with Leo and Jed was fun. Kind of hard to explain to myself actually," Josh muttered. 

Donna walked behind him and took him by his shoulders, turning his stool around so his back was against the counter. Josh put down the bottle and wrapped his arms around his wife, resting his forehead against her chest. He was having a hard time understanding the events of the previous few days, let alone putting them into words for Donna to understand. 

But knowing him as she did, Donna didn't push Josh to talk. If he got his thoughts in order he would share them, if not, that was fine too. 

"Why don't you take a warm shower?" Donna suggested a few minutes later as it was clear Josh wasn't going to be able to put what he was feeling into words. Josh nodded against her shoulder but didn't make a move to get up for a few more minutes, until the ringing phone brought him out of his funk. Donna reached for the phone with one hand and grabbed Josh's cane with the other. It was Senator Fernandez on the phone and she mouthed that to Josh as he got up to head down the hall. 

Josh started the taps and stepped into the shower when he was sure the water was hot enough. He stayed in a long time, letting the water ease some of the stiffness in his hip and back caused by sitting in a cramped airplane seat. When he got out and walked into the bedroom he found Donna curled up in the chair. She was finished her call but still had the phone clutched in her hand. "Everything ok?" Josh asked as he walked to the dresser to grab a pair of boxers. 

"Senator Fernandez and David want to meet me for lunch," Donna said casually. 

"Oh really. Are you "getting the call"?" Josh asked, with more than a bit of pride in his voice. He smiled at Donna and sat on the ottoman in front of her. 

"I have no idea what "getting the call" means," Donna teased. "But do I think David is going to announce his retirement, yes." 

"And you're next in line," Josh said. 

"There is no line of succession," Donna reminded him with a poke to the ribs. "The Senator could very well look to the outside for a new Chief of Staff." 

"But you don't really think he'll do that do you?" Josh asked as he casually tugged at the tie to Donna's robe. Donna just shook her head and gave him a big grin. "You know I'd pull you to your feet and dance around the room right now if I could," Josh said as he pulled a little harder on the tie and slipped his hand inside. 

"Just because we can't dance around the room, doesn't mean we can't have fun," Donna purred as pushed the robe off her shoulders and stood up, stark naked. "Close your mouth Joshua," she teased as she reached to pull him to his feet and over to the bed. 

Josh's first order of business the next morning, well actually second after spending 10 minutes teasing Donna as she tried on 4 outfits before deciding on a gray suit, was to sit down with Ben and go over his "to do" list as many of things on it he was unable to do alone. 

"Well, where should we start?" Ben asked as he poured Josh another cup of coffee and grabbed a banana out of the fruit basket. 

"I suppose we should tackle my campus office. I'm sure Jerry will be assigning it to someone else soon," Josh said with a little sigh. 

"You sure you're up to doing it?" Ben asked, knowing it might be hard on Josh. 

"Yeah, my hip seems to be cooperating this morning," Josh replied, knowing full well that wasn't what Ben meant by his question. 

"OK," Ben said with a nod, ignoring the fact that Josh was ignoring his concern. 

While Josh took a shower and got dressed Ben went out into the garage and found some empty boxes they could use to pack up the contents of Josh's office. 

When they got to campus, Ben left Josh off at his office and went to the bookstore to sell back a few of his books from the spring semester but also to give Josh a little time alone as he started to dismantle an era of his life. By the time he got to Josh's office, with coffee in hand, Josh had started to sort through the books, making two piles, one to pack up and take home and the other to give away. Ben packed the books up, making small talk with Josh as they worked. 

After the books were packed, Ben started to haul them out to the car as Josh started on the pictures on the shelves and on the walls. Ben had thought ahead and packed a bag full of kitchen towels to protect the pictures in the car. Josh methodically took the pictures down, one by one. He looked at each of them, swiped the dust away and wrapped them up, not lingering long enough to get emotional. His diplomas were next, packed away carefully in their own box. 

By the time the books were all safely in the car Josh had started to take down the artwork that had adorned the back of the door and the side of the filing cabinet for years. Masterpieces created by the boys and the various offspring of members of the Bartlet administration were carefully taken down and placed in a large envelope. Josh wasn't sure where he was going to put everything at home, his study wasn't all that big, but he was not ready to part with anything just yet. 

Josh organized the rest of the things left in the office for another trip. "Should have brought the van huh?" Ben teased as he came back into the room after another trip out to his car. 

"Yeah, I didn't realize I had so much stuff in here," Josh muttered as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

"How about we quit for today?" Ben suggested, knowing Josh was pushing himself both physically and emotionally. 

"Yeah. Let's get some lunch." 

"Sounds good. I want to talk to you about something," Ben said as he grabbed one last small box he was pretty sure would fit in a corner of the trunk. 

"So what did you want to talk about?" Josh asked as he poured a packet of sugar into his iced tea and stirred it absently. 

"Well, now that you're...you know...unemployed," Ben stumbled around a bit, "I was just wondering if I'm...if I'm, well, still needed." 

Josh just smiled at the younger man he'd come to think of as part of the family. "Benjamin," he started with a smirk, "I am unemployed however I still do not drive, and never will again, and I'm thinking the boys will, you know, want to leave the house once in a while. True, I quit my teaching job but I'm not about to crawl into a hole and knit or something. Yes, Donna and I still need you around," Josh said with a smile. "If that's what you want," he added, giving Ben the option to leave, one he hoped the young man wouldn't take. 

"It's what I want," Ben assured him. "Through next May, then I have to get a grown up job and you know, get married," he said with a grin. He and Annie still hadn't set an exact date but they were close to narrowing it down. 

"Then it's settled," Josh declared as the waitress set two bowls of clam chowder in front of them. 

About the time Josh and Ben headed for home, Donna was practically dancing towards her office. She stopped in front of her assistant's desk with a big grin on her face. "Megan, get me the finest muffins and bagels in the land," she said as she took a bow. Megan just looked at her strangely for a second and then hopped up to give her boss a big hug. While she was thrilled for Donna, like Ben, she was a little worried about her own job status. 

Donna pulled Megan into her office and turned on the CD player. The two of them danced around for a minute until Megan couldn't hold in her question any longer. 

"What about me?" she asked loudly over the sounds of an old Bon Jovi tune. Donna turned the volume down to answer her. 

"Your own office, no more cubicle. David's assistant isn't coming back after she has the baby." Donna said as she reached for the phone. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to call Josh and tell him the news." Megan got up and went out to her desk to call her boyfriend with the news too. 

"Joshua, I drink from the keg of glory," Donna yelled into the phone. 

By the time Donna got home that night, the boys had decorated the kitchen with homemade signs declaring her new title. Josh cooked her favorite meal, pork roast and mashed potatoes. Annie had come too, she and Ben were supposed to go out to eat but Josh convinced them to stay and join in on the celebration. The boys even baked a chocolate cake for the occasion. 

Josh and Donna had their own private celebration later that night, when everyone else had gone to bed. 


	12. Port of Indecision 12

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

As Donna settled into her new job and more responsibilities, Josh settled into semi-retirement and not so many responsibilities. He basically took it easy for a few weeks. He unpacked the boxes from his campus office, caught up on his way overdue emails to various friends, chaperoned a field trip with Jake's class and went to physical therapy once a week. His hip was doing a little better, the new medication seemed to be helping and although he didn't enjoy it much at all, Josh did try to do the stretching exercises nearly every day. 

Ben was enjoying a little free time too with school out for him and the boys still in for another few weeks. He played basketball with his friends and wore a path on the highways between Bethesda and Baltimore visiting Annie. They'd finally set a date for the wedding, July 7, 2018. There had been many discussions about where to hold the wedding, Baltimore , where Annie lived, New Jersey, where Ben was from or in DC, the favorite city of both of them. But in the end they decided on getting married in Manchester at Blessed Sacrament Church. 

It was where Jed and Abbey worshipped and Annie had attended there many times over the years. Ben had also been there a few times. Although he wasn't much of a church person, he felt welcomed there. Jed's declining health was also a consideration when they were deciding on the location. Both Ben and Annie wanted the reception to be laidback and relaxed so they decided to hold it outside on Jed and Abbey's farm. Abbey was already making plans and Annie had to rein her back in, reminding her the date was still over a year away. 

Jake and Jessie were finishing up the 5th grade and the 3rd grade, respectively. Both had done very well and their parents were proud. Jake was once again signed up to go to basketball camp and was looking forward to it. Both boys were going to sleep away camp for a week and Jake was trying to talk Josh into taking him to Baltimore for a few days to visit Janie. Jake didn't know it, but Josh had planned 3 days in Baltimore 's Inner Harbor for himself and both the boys, the week after school let out. 

The trip to Baltimore turned out to be a great experience for Josh and the boys. They really bonded together, just the three of them. 

One night, over burgers at the ESPN Zone, the conversation had turned towards Josh and Donna's time in the White House. That wasn't a completely unusual subject, especially where Jessie was concerned. But this conversation was different. There was more of a tone of maturity on the part of the boys, an eagerness to know what things were really like, the good, the bad and the ugly. 

Josh told of Rosslyn, filling Jessie in on things which up until then, Josh and Donna had only discussed with Jake. Josh talked about Mrs. Landingham, MS and PTSD. Jessie listened closely hanging on Josh's every word. Insightful for his age he asked the pertinent questions about racism, drunk driving, triggers and the many medical acronyms and words that flowed from Josh as he explained things he thought he wouldn't share with the boys until the were at least teenagers. 

When dessert was finished Josh felt like the boys really "got it" and had a much better understanding of what time in the White House meant to their parents and how so many things still had lasting effects on their lives as a family. By the time they left the restaurant it was almost 10 and Jessie was fading fast. They walked the two blocks to their hotel in silence. 

With Jessie sound asleep in a matter of minutes, Jake and Josh settled down in the sitting room of their 2 room suite, playing cards and talking about anything and everything. Josh felt he and Jake had really turned a corner in their relationship. Although Jake had been more understanding about Josh's limitations in the previous 6 months or so he still got in his little verbal "digs" every once in a while. Josh ignored them when it just made more sense to do so but sometimes he called Jake on his words and actions. Always mortified at being caught, Jake made promises to try harder but the promises always seemed a little hollow. Now Josh was really hoping for a significant change. 

On the train ride home they were able to flip a seat around and face each other, Jake and Jessie on the one side, riding backwards and Josh on the other. Josh dozed as the train lumbered along towards home and while Jessie read, Jake watched his Dad. He could see the exhaustion in Josh's features, even when Josh was half asleep. And for the first time Jake realized just how hard Josh pushed himself to make he and his brother happy. It was rare that Josh gave the blanket statement of "no, I can't, I'm too tired". Instead he forced himself to keep up, often enduring the wrath of Donna when he got himself too run down in the process. 

The train lurched and Josh's eyes shot open. Jake tried to steal his gaze away from his father before Josh noticed he was being watched. But Jake didn't quite manage to look away and Josh caught his eye and winked. Jake moved over a little, giving Josh room to prop his right foot up on the seat next to him. Josh let his eyes slide shut again, but not before a little smile crept across his face. 

In the days following the "boys" returned from Baltimore , Donna saw a change in all of them, especially Jake. She tried to talk to Josh about what had happened on the trip but it was something he was having a hard time putting into words. Which Donna took to mean that when he got his feelings and thoughts in order he would share them. 

A week later, curled up in bed with Donna during a summer storm, he did just that. 


	13. Port of Indecision 13

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

Josh sat in the kitchen drinking his second cup of coffee, savoring the peace and quiet. It was Monday morning and Donna was at work, Ben and Jake were at basketball camp and Jessie was still asleep. It was almost 9, which was late for Jessie to sleep, plus he'd gone to bed early the night before so Josh was a little worried about him. Worried enough to climb the stairs to check on him even though his hip seemed to be giving him more problems than usual that morning. 

"Jess, you awake?" Josh called softly from the doorway. Jessie muttered a "no" and pulled the quilt up around his ears a little more. Josh chuckled and stepped into the room. He sat down carefully on the bed, leaning against the headboard and swinging his right leg up. "Sorry," he said as he accidentally kicked Jessie's foot under the covers. "You ok?" he asked as he pulled the quilt down a little. Jessie's hair was sticking out in all directions, his eyes were red and by the flush of his cheeks Josh could tell he was running a nice fever. 

"Ear hurts," Jessie mumbled as he snuggled closer to Josh. 

Josh pressed his hand to the boy's forehead, "Pretty warm buddy," he said as he leaned over and kissed the top of Jessie's head. Even at 9 and a half Jessie was still a cuddler, unlike his brother who was pretty much against all displays of parental affection. "Sit up for a minute, let me find the thermometer," Josh said as he settled Jessie back against the headboard and handed him the bottle of water on the nightstand. "Which one?" Josh asked a minute later when he returned with the ear thermometer. 

"Right," Jessie replied, turning his head so Josh could reach his left ear. 

"101.8, wow," Josh muttered. "Anything else hurt?" 

"My head," Jessie said as he rubbed his eyes. 

"How about some Tylenol and something more to drink?" Josh offered. Jessie nodded and pushed back the covers to get out of bed. "I'll bring it up to you," Josh said. 

"Yeah right Dad, you're going to spend the day running up and down the stairs," Jessie teased, smiling just enough to show his Lyman dimples. Josh tried his best to look wounded but it didn't work. Jessie grabbed a pair of shorts and a long sleeved t-shirt out of his drawer and went into the bathroom. 

Ten minutes later, Jessie was settled down on the couch with Gatorade and the remote. He'd taken a couple of Tylenol and was watching cartoons. Josh was on the phone with Donna, making sure there wasn't anything else he should be doing. Donna told him to just keep an eye on Jessie and if he seemed to get worse, call Jill. 

By noon Jessie was just plain miserable. He hadn't moved off the couch except to use the bathroom. His fever continued to rise and Josh was starting to get a little worried. Normally a pretty stoic kid, Jessie looked ready to cry at any minute. "Hurts pretty bad, huh?" Josh asked as he perched on the edge of the couch. Jessie just nodded a little as a few tears squeezed out. 

"Turn your head so I can get your temperature and then I'm going to call mom and then Jill." Jessie wiped his face with the tissue Josh handed him and turned his head a little. "102.8," Josh said quietly. He put the thermometer on the coffee table and picked up the damp washcloth that had fallen on the floor. He rewet it in the kitchen and grabbed another bottle of Gatorade in the hopes that Jessie would at least drink something. 

Josh brushed back Jessie's blond curls and set the washcloth on his forehead. "I'll be in the kitchen, yell if you need anything." Jessie just nodded and little and rolled over to face the back of the couch. Josh turned off the television and went into the kitchen to make a few phone calls. 

Donna was in a meeting and Josh didn't want to disturb her so he left a message with Megan. He grabbed a pen and a piece of paper before calling Jill. He obviously got the receptionist and was planning on giving her his name in the hopes that Jill would call back when she got the chance. But instead he was transferred immediately to Jill's office. 

"What's up Josh, you're interrupting my lunch," Jill teased as she set down her coffee cup and started to pull Josh's chart up on the computer. 

"It's not me," Josh laughed. "It's Jessie." 

"What's wrong with my little friend?" Jill asked, the soft spot she held for Jessie coming through in her voice. 

"I think an ear infection. He's pretty miserable. Running a temp of 102.8." 

"When did it start?" Jill asked as she backspaced over Josh's name, replacing it with Jessie's. 

"He was a little out of sorts last night. Went to bed early, woke up in pain this morning." 

"What's he doing now?" she asked, trying to gauge how much pain he was in. Jill knew that like his father, the only time Jessie was remotely still was when he truly didn't feel well. 

"He's on the couch, been there all morning. Won't eat, although he did drink a little Gatorade." 

"OK, with a fever that high he's going to need more than a "little" Gatorade," Jill replied as she pulled up her list of appointments for the afternoon. "Are the two of you home alone?" she asked. 

"Yeah, Ben's with Jake at basketball camp and Donna's working," Josh sighed feeling completely frustrated at the fact he wasn't able to drive. 

"Tell you what, I have a light afternoon, why don't I swing by and make a house call in a few hours," Jill offered. 

"Do that and you can stay for dinner," Josh said, countering her offer. 

"Deal. You can alternate Tylenol and Advil every two hours to try and get his fever down. See if he'll eat a little something, if not, force the fluids." 

The minute Josh hung up from Jill, Donna called. He filled her in on the latest update and she promised to try and get home as soon as she could. With Congress adjourning for the summer there were a lot of loose ends she needed to tie up. 

Josh pulled some pork chops out of the freezer and set them on the counter to thaw. He heard Jessie cry out a little and run in the direction of the bathroom. Josh grabbed a can of ginger ale and headed down the hall, sending up a little prayer that Jessie had made it to the bathroom in time. Luckily for Josh, he did. 

"You ready to go back on the couch?" Josh asked 20 minutes later as he wiped Jessie's face one more time. Jessie nodded and stood up on shaky legs. He brushed his teeth while Josh went into the laundry room to find him a sweatshirt in the clean laundry pile as he was shivering. 

Fifteen minutes later both Jessie and Josh were sound asleep on the couch. Jessie was curled up with his head on the pillow he'd tossed on Josh's lap. Josh had his feet propped up on the coffee table, one arm wrapped protectively around Jessie and the other hanging over the arm of the couch. 

A few minutes before 3 the incessant ringing of the doorbell woke Josh. He managed to get off the couch without waking Jessie and stumble to the door without falling over. 

"You sure Jessie is the patient?" Jill teased as she took in Josh's exhausted and disheveled appearance. 

"Shut up," Josh groaned as he stepped aside and let Jill in the house. 

"I think you have a little drool on your cheek," she teased as she set her black bag down on the bench in the foyer. "Jessie sleeping?" 

"Yeah, been out for about 2 hours. Still feels warm," Josh replied as he motioned for her to head for the kitchen. "He drank some Gatorade but threw it up." 

"So it's been just a great day all around, hasn't it?" Jill asked as she pointed to the hip Josh was unconsciously rubbing as he leaned against the counter. He just waved off her concern about him. 

As she was staying for dinner and in no hurry to leave, Jill didn't see any reason to wake Jessie. She and Josh sat at the kitchen table with some iced tea and cookies, catching up on things. Although Josh did try his best to steer the conversation far away from his health, Jill was able to ask how he was doing in general and more specifically how his hip was doing. Josh answered her questions with a word or two, making no effort to explain anything in detail. 

"Dad," they heard Jessie call some time around 4:00. Josh bolted for the family room as fast as his hip would allow. Jessie was sitting up rubbing at his ear with one hand and his eyes with the other. 

"You ok?" Josh asked as he slid onto the couch next to his son. Jessie shook his head a little and curled up next to his dad. As Josh put his arm around Jessie's thin shoulders he could feel the boy shivering. Jill appeared a second later, having washed her hands and grabbed her bag out of the foyer. 

"Wow, a house call," Jessie said with a slight smile. He sat up a little, scooting away from Josh just a bit. Josh took that as his cue to leave for a minute so Jill could do her thing. 

"I only make house calls for my favorite patients," Jill said with a wink. "So, which ear?" she asked as she pulled the otoscope out of her bag. Jessie just pointed to his right ear and turned his head a little so she could take a look. He flinched as she stuck the probe in to get a better look. He indeed had an ear infection and a pretty severe one at that. "Sorry if that hurt," Jill said as she quickly wiped away the little tear she saw threatening to fall. 

"I threw up," Jessie said quietly. 

"I know, it's ok," Jill assured him as she tousled his hair. She took his temperature; it was still up over 102 despite the Tylenol and the Advil. She listened to his heart and lungs and checked his blood pressure before packing everything up and sitting down on the coffee table in front of him. "Well, my little friend," she said as she patted Jessie's foot, "you have a nasty ear infection and a pretty high fever. How about something cool to drink?" Jessie shrugged his shoulders. "How about you just try a little for me? And if that stays down I'll run over to Rita's and get you something," Jill bargained. Jessie agreed with a little nod and Jill got up to get him something to drink. 

"So what's the verdict?" Josh asked as he heard Jill come back into the kitchen. 

"Nasty, nasty ear infection," Jill said as Josh pulled his head out of the refrigerator and set a few things on the counter. "I'd like to get his temp down. He promised he would try to drink something and I countered with an offer for Rita's. I'm going to call in a prescription for antibiotics, drops and something for pain because I think it's going to be a long night," she said with a sigh. 

True to Jill's prediction, it was a very long night. Jessie was up most of the night. One, or quite possibly both of the two prescriptions Jill put Jessie on didn't agree with his stomach and as a result he and Josh spent a good deal of the night sitting on the floor of the master bathroom. Donna tried to get Josh to sleep, or at the very least, get up off the floor but Jessie clearly had other ideas, no doubt about it, he wanted Josh. 

Not normally a whiny kid, it was very unlike him and Josh thought it was best to just stay with him. Also, Donna had to work in the morning and needed sleep more than he did. Donna saw his point, but that didn't mean she got much sleep either. 

"He asleep?" Donna whispered just before 5:00 the next morning as she cracked an eye open and saw Josh throwing a blanket over Jessie who was curled up in the chair in the corner of the room. 

"Yeah," Josh sighed wearily. 

"Then you sleep too," Donna said firmly a she rolled over to give him room on the bed. 

Jessie was still sleeping at 7:00 when Jill called the house for an update. She was leaving her house to head to work and wanted to stop by to check up on her favorite little patient. Unfortunately, by the time she got there, 15 minutes later, Jessie and Josh were once again parked in the bathroom. Satisfied that Jessie had calmed down a little, Josh let Jill pull him to his feet and he left the two of them alone. 

"OK, here's the deal," Jill said as she knelt down next to Jessie in the bathroom after giving him a quick "once over". "You're running a temperature of almost 103\. Know what normal body temperature is?" she asked. Jessie nodded. "Obviously the medicine's not working too well." 

"Yeah, it's just making me puke," Jessie muttered. 

"Yeah, unfortunately, it is," Jill chuckled as she brushed back his unruly curls. "So I think the best place for you to be right now is the hospital," she said, giving that information a few seconds to sink in. Jessie didn't say anything he just nodded his head and curled up a little, letting Jill put her arm around his shoulders. "We'll give you some IV fluids and try to get your temperature down," she explained. 

"Will I have to get a needle?" Jessie asked. 

"You will, we'll put an IV right here," Jill explained as she picked up Jessie's hand in hers. "And I'm going to honest with you; you'll probably get a shot or two." 

"I can handle it," Jessie assured her with a small, weary grin. "Do Mom and Dad know?" he asked. 

"Not yet. Why don't I go tell them? You ready to leave the bathroom?" Jill asked. Jessie nodded and let Jill pull him to his feet. "How about you go pack a change of clothes, a video game and something to read." Jessie nodded and headed up the stairs. 

Jill found Josh and Donna sitting in the kitchen talking with Ben and Jake. They were trying to decide whether Ben should stay with Jake at basketball or just drop him off in case he needed to drive Josh and Jessie anywhere that day. 

"I can make that decision for you. Go to basketball. Josh, take a quick shower and pack a bag," Jill said as she took the mug of coffee Donna held out for her. 

"Hospital?" Josh asked quietly as he visibly shuddered. 

"He's too dehydrated. I'll put him on some IV fluids and antibiotics. You might even be able to bring him home tonight," Jill explained. "I'll call ahead; you won't have to go through the Emergency Room. I have to go into the office this morning but I'll try to get there this afternoon. If I can't, I'll call over to the hospital." 

Josh and Donna just nodded. Although Jessie had never been to the hospital as a patient, other than when he was born, Jill was pretty sure he would handle it just fine. But she wasn't so sure about his father. 


	14. Port of Indecision 14

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

By the late morning Jessie was settled into a hospital room. The Pediatric floor wasn't crowded so he didn't have a roommate. Still running a significant fever Jessie was pretty miserable but at least the pain in his ear had subsided a little, thanks to some painkillers more powerful than plain Tylenol. It was quite apparent he'd inherited Josh's sensitive system, as he'd only had a small dose and was pretty much unable to hold a coherent conversation. Josh found it mildly amusing and it took his mind off the fact his child was curled up on a hospital bed connected to an IV. 

Jill managed to finish up her day early and made it to the hospital just as Jessie was groaning over the selection on his dinner tray, soup, toast and Jello. She produced a vanilla milkshake and a plain bagel with butter, his favorite. He had about half the bagel and most of the milkshake, the most he'd eaten in over a day. Jill did a quick exam and motioned for Josh to step out in to the hall for a minute when Jessie started to doze. 

"Something wrong?" Josh asked as Jill motioned him over to the little sitting area by the nurses' station where there was a TV, some old magazines and a few toys for the patients to play with. 

"Jessie's fever is still up. I'm beginning to think there's maybe more to it than an ear infection. The blood we drew earlier didn't reveal much so I think we're going to have to do a spinal tap on him." Josh paled instantly and shook his head "no". Jill guided him into a chair and motioned for one of the aides to get him a drink of water. "Josh, take a drink of water." He did as he was told. "I'll do it myself when Jessie wakes up. Is Donna coming back soon?" Jill asked. She was worried, and rightly so, that Josh was on the verge of "losing it." 

"She should be back soon. She went home to check on Jake and Ben and to change out of her work clothes." 

"OK. At the risk of sounding like I'm hovering what have you eaten today?" 

"Not much," Josh admitted as he wearily wiped his eyes. 

"Not smart. How about you go to the cafeteria, get yourself a decent meal and go outside for a little fresh air. You planning on spending the night here?" 

"Yeah." 

"That's fine. Get going; I don't want to see you back up here for at least 45 minutes," Jill warned as she helped Josh to his feet and handed him his cane. Josh gave a smirk and a mock salute as he went to Jessie's room to grab his wallet out of his backpack. 

"It might be easier if you left the room," Jill warned Josh as she prepared to do the spinal tap on Jessie. Donna hadn't returned yet and while Jill would have preferred to wait for her, she had tickets for a show at the Kennedy Center and was determined to make it in time. 

"I'm OK," Josh said quietly, the hitch in his voice giving away the fact that he was far from "OK". He tried to give Jessie a smile of reassurance as he took his son's hand. The sound of Jill shaking out the sterile drape, the smell of the antiseptic and the sound of a gurney rolling down the hall outside Jessie's room all combined to send Josh headfirst into his first full blown flashback in almost a decade. His hand went to the scar on his chest and he took a step back from the bed and pulled his hand away from Jessie's. 

"Dad?" Jessie whispered in a scared little voice. Jill looked up from what she was doing and groaned. 

"Josh," she said sharply, hoping to bring him back to some sort of awareness. That didn't work out as Josh backed away from the bed even more and slumped against the wall. "A little help in here," Jill called out into the hallway. 

Donna arrived just about the moment Josh was being escorted out of Jessie's room by a very large orderly. The orderly hitched his thumb towards an empty treatment room down the hall. Torn between checking on Jessie and helping Josh, she chose to go into the room and make sure Jessie was OK. Donna grabbed Jessie's hand and kissed his forehead. 

"What's wrong with Dad?" he asked as a few tears started to fall. 

"He doesn't like hospitals," Donna muttered, going with the first thing that came to her mind. "He'll be back in a little while," she assured her son. 

"OK, let's get this over with," Jill said with a sigh. 

Ten minutes later it was over. Jessie was resting comfortably on his back, the effects of a dose of Tylenol with Codeine taking hold. Donna pulled the sheet over him, kissed his forehead and raised the side of the bed a little before going to find Jill and/or Josh. 

Jill was sitting at the nurses' station typing something into Jessie's chart. "So what happened?" Donna asked. 

"Flashback, I think. PTSD episode." 

"Not a generic panic attack?" Donna asked. Josh had had them over the years but an actual flashback hadn't happened in a long, long time. 

"I don't think so. Why don't you go check on him? I'm going to get out of here and try to make my concert. I'll stop by in the morning with the test results and to check on Jessie...and Josh," she added with a smile. Donna thanked her and gave her a grateful hug before pulling herself together so she could check on Josh. 

Donna stood outside the door of the room Josh had been put in. She took a deep breath and pushed it open, not knowing what to expect on the other side. There was a wide window ledge and Josh had folded himself into it, knees pulled up, arms wrapped around his shins. He'd kicked off his shoes and pulled his plaid shirt out his shorts. Clearly a million miles away he didn't hear Donna open the door and was quite startled when she appeared next to him. 

"Hey," he whispered quietly without looking her in the eye. 

"You OK?" Donna asked as she sat down by his feet and reached to give his hand a squeeze. Josh gave the expected shrug of his shoulders as he dropped his head down to rest his forehead on his knees. Donna rubbed the back of his neck for a minute as he was clearly one big ball of tension. 

"How's Jessie?" Josh mumbled without picking up his head. 

"He's fine. Worried about you," Donna said as she reached to tip Josh's chin up. 

"Great," Josh muttered. "I probably scared him half to death," he spit out as he rubbed his eyes. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Donna asked. She didn't want to push him but she also felt he needed to talk a little about what had happened. 

"It was Rosslyn all over again. I don't know what caused it. The smell of alcohol, a gurney out in the hall...doesn't really matter what it was I suppose. All of the sudden I was back there, sitting on the ground," Josh whispered as he unconsciously sat up and put his right hand over the scar under his ribcage. Donna reached over and placed her hand on top of his. It was that small gesture that pushed Josh over the emotional edge. She gathered him in her arms and held him while he cried. 

"Feel better?" Donna asked as she wiped his face a while later. Josh just nodded a little and got up to use the bathroom. "Are you still going to stay tonight?" Donna asked as she glanced at her watch. She wanted to get home to spend a little time with Jake before he went to bed. 

"Yeah," Josh muttered as he stuffed his feet into his sneakers. "I'll be fine," he added as he caught the worried look on Donna's face. She nodded and smoothed down his hair a bit before they headed for Jessie's room. 


	15. Port of Indecision 15

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

Donna headed home 20 minutes later. Jessie was sound asleep and Josh was flipping through the newspaper. When he was done with that he reached into his backpack and extracted a notebook. He had a few ideas floating around for columns, not that he had any firm requests for anything but it couldn't hurt to be prepared, plus it would give him something to do, instead of staring at his child curled up in a hospital bed. 

He fished a pen out of the front pocket of the backpack and settled back on the window ledge. After chewing thoughtfully on the end of the pen for a minute, a habit he'd had for the better part of 50 years, he put a few thoughts together. 

Twenty years ago if someone had asked me what was important, what mattered to me, the answer would have been simple. 

Politics. 

But as I sit here and watch my son curled up in a hospital bed, Politics is the furthest thing from my mind. Funny how having kids changes everything. Sure, I'd heard that statement over the years, the years I spent married to my work, dating a string of nice but ultimately forgettable women, jockeying for position in the Democratic Party. But the birth of a squalling, squishy little creature changed that in a heart beat. I never expected 

"Dad," Jessie whispered weakly as Josh was mid-sentence. Josh tossed aside the notepad, his thought forgotten, his attention fully on his son. 

"Hey buddy, how ya feeling?" Josh asked as he pulled a chair close to the bed and folded himself into it. 

"Head hurts," Jessie whined as he rubbed his eyes and tried to sit up. 

"Whoa, don't sit up. It'll just make your head worse," Josh warned as he reached for the pitcher of water on the tray table. He poured Jessie a drink and held the straw for him. 

"Where's Mom?" Jessie asked. 

"She went home to be with Jake. We can call her if you want," Josh offered. 

"Maybe later," Jessie said with a sigh. "What happened?" he asked. 

"With me?" Josh asked unnecessarily. Jessie nodded and reached for Josh's hand. Josh tucked the little hand in his and tried his best to explain things to Jessie. He did the best he could and Jessie asked some pretty tough questions which he answered as honestly as possible without giving Jessie more information than he could handle. 

Both Jessie and Josh slept through the night, which was surprising on both accounts. Jessie's temperature had dropped considerably and the test results didn't yield anything out of the ordinary. When Jessie proved he could eat, drink and keep it down, Jill let him leave. 

Ben picked Josh and Jessie up a little before three that afternoon. He'd left basketball camp early and when he was sure Josh and Jessie were settled at home, went back to pick up Jake. 

Later that night, with Jessie sleeping and Jake watching television, Josh grabbed a can of Coke of out the fridge and stepped outside onto the porch. It had just rained and the air was cooler than it had been in weeks. Josh wiped the swing off with the towel he brought out for that purpose. 

After moving a load of laundry over to the dryer, Donna went to find Josh. They hadn't really had a chance to talk since he and Jessie got home and she wanted to make sure he was doing alright too. 

"Josh," she called softly from the front door as he appeared to be sleeping on the porch swing. 

"Hey," he said as he opened his eyes. He patted the swing next to him, inviting her to join him. "Jessie asleep?" 

"Yeah. He took the medicine and some Tylenol," Donna explained as she curled up next to Josh. "Are you OK?" she asked quietly. Her answer was the expected shrug of the shoulders. "Josh, talk to me." 

"I felt like I should have done more or done things differently," he said, offering no further explanation. 

"Done more when? Done what differently?" Donna asked, more than a little confused. 

"For Jessie." 

"Joshua, you stayed by his side for three days, you sat with him, read to him, held his head while he puked..." 

"I also had a PTSD episode in front of him, not to mention I couldn't drive him to Jill's office when it all started," he sighed as he dropped his head back, staring at the porch ceiling. 

"Josh, Jessie got over the episode rather quickly. Does that mean he would ask more questions down the road, probably not. But it didn't scar him for life. As for the driving thing, we're not even going to go there. You are perfectly able to call a cab and would have if you had to. Jill came over and everything worked out." 

"Worked out? Our son just spent 2 days in the hospital," Josh cried as he leaned forward to get enough momentum to stand. He didn't get very far in his attempt to start pacing as Donna reached out and grabbed his hand. 

"Joshua David, knock it off," Donna said sternly, in the voice she usually reserved for the boys. "Jessie didn't have to go to the hospital because of anything you did or didn't do. And you know that." Donna softened her harsh tone by rubbing the back of Josh's hip for a minute. He eventually sat back down, wisely dropping the subject. It was clear Donna wasn't in the mood to watch a pity party. She was right and deep down, he knew that. 

Jessie took it easy for the next few days as Josh hovered over him. As boys were known to do, he bounced back quickly and was eager to get back to his summer. 


	16. Port of Indecision 16

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

As the heat of July bore down on the greater DC area, things in the Lyman household settled down to the usual pace. Jake and Ben had finished up basketball camp and were content to just hang out, Jessie spent his days skateboarding and playing with his friends. Donna was enjoying some down time at work and Josh was...Josh was Josh. 

He had his good days and not so good days. On the good days he and the boys did things together. They went into the city to visit the museums, to the community pool to swim and to the library. On the not so good days, usually when the weather was uncomfortably hot and humid, Josh stayed home, reading, writing and in general relaxing. The boys were used to taking Josh's limitations regarding the heat and humidity in stride, it was normal for July. 

The toll that the pain in Josh's hip was taking on their plans took a little more getting used to and unfortunately the "bad hip" days were getting more and more frequent. But the boys were at an age where if they were in a museum, Josh could take a break and sit down to rest his leg while the boys explored a little on their own. Jake and Jessie were kind of enjoying their new found freedoms. 

Josh had a few short articles published, including the one he had started to write during Jessie's hospital stay. The offers to speak, which were usually light during the beginning of the summer, were starting to arrive almost daily. 

One day during the last week of July, Josh decided to tackle the growing list of invitations and other requests that were piling up on his desk. It was a "bad hip" day so he sent the boys and Ben to the pool for the day while he made an effort to locate the top of his desk under the mountain of paper he'd let accumulate. 

"Josh, I'm leaving," Donna said from the doorway to Josh's study. He was sitting at his desk, basically staring at the pile of stuff cluttering the top. "You might have to actually touch some of it," she teased as she walked into the room. She wrapped her arms around Josh from behind and kissed the top of his head. "You OK, you were pretty quiet at breakfast, which you didn't eat," she said as she rested her cheek against his graying curls. 

"I'm OK," Josh whispered without even so much as a hint of sincerity in his voice. Donna stood up and he pushed the chair back a little and turned it so he could put his elbows on his knees and drop his head down without whacking his forehead on the oak desk. Donna knelt in front of him with her hands on his knees for a minute, waiting to see if he was going to elaborate on what was bothering him. She really had no idea why she would expect him to open up without any prying on her part. 

And he didn't. 

"Josh, you don't have to do this today," she said as she gestured to the mess on the desk. 

"But if I don't, I'll just spend the day alone, just wandering around and..." 

"Brooding," Donna said, completing his thought. Josh just nodded. "Brooding about what?" Donna asked curiously as Josh hadn't really spent much time brooding at all over the previous few weeks. 

"I don't know," Josh muttered. "I guess I just don't feel well today," he said vaguely. Donna just nodded; she knew from the way he was moving that his hip was bothering him and since he hadn't eaten much he was probably having a little trouble swallowing. 

"Did you take something?" Josh just nodded. "Good, don't sit for too long, try some ice and maybe call Jill to check in with her. Oh yeah, and get to work," Donna said with a grin. She really didn't have time to pull things out of Josh and was hoping that lighthearted was the way to go. The smile on Josh's face told her it was. "Call me later and don't push yourself," Donna reminded him as she patted his hip. She kissed Josh before standing up straight and smoothing down her skirt. 

"Love you," he called over his shoulder. 

"Love you too," Donna echoed as she headed down the hall. 

Three hours later, the desk was clear and Josh had responded one way or another to all the invitations on the desk. He'd turned down the opportunity to speak at Berkley and the University of Arizona, figuring he was not up to a cross country flight. He did accept an invitation to speak to a group of high school students who were doing a two week long conference at the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard. It was for the last week in August, when the boys would be away at camp and Ben had made plans to go away with Annie. He thought maybe he'd combine the trip with a visit to Jed and Abbey. 

Josh also accepted a last minute invitation to do a Q & A at the Library of Congress. It was a lunchtime series aimed at tourists who were looking for tales of the "real" Washington DC. The person they had previously booked had to cancel on short notice. Josh figured the boys would like to go with him and it had the potential to be interesting. And if not, they'd get a decent lunch out of it and they could cross the street and meet up with Donna afterwards. As he was a last minute addition to the series he only had a week to prepare. Not that Josh would do much preparing, other than making sure he ironed something to wear. 

Josh took a few minutes to put all of the information on his laptop and Palm Pilot. He scanned his email for anything interesting but found nothing of great importance. There were messages from Sam and Toby but answering them would involve more than a few minutes and as he'd been sitting for a few hours he knew he needed to get up and get moving before he got too stiff. As he stood up he realized quickly that he had been sitting too long. 

The sharp pain in his hip took his breath away and he closed his eyes, holding on to the edge of the desk for balance. He took a few deep breaths and got his bearings before he reached for his cane. The pain let up a bit but halfway down the hall his hip locked up completely and it took a good ten minutes for him to make it down the remaining length of the hall to the kitchen. Before easing into a chair he grabbed the phone, a bottle of iced tea and a couple of Tylenol. After catching his breath Josh called Jill's office to see if he could talk to her as it was her usual lunch hour. The receptionist put him right through, as usual. 

"Joshua Lyman, what's up?" Jill asked as she typed his name into the computer. "Another sick child today?" she asked as she reached for her can of diet soda. 

"Nope, boys are fine," Josh said, trying his best to sound as "normal" as possible but failing miserably. 

"What's wrong?" Jill asked as the pain came through loud and clear in Josh's voice. "Hip?" she asked when Josh didn't immediately answer. 

"Yeah," Josh muttered as he took a deep breath. He told Jill about the problems he'd been having over the previous week or so and she listened, asked some questions and gave him the name of an orthopedic surgeon to call as she thought she was about to get in over her head trying to help him. 

Josh called Jill's friend, Ted Carter, after limping to the counter to grab a pen and a piece of paper. Ted had a cancellation the next day and Josh took the appointment figuring he would worry how he was going to get there later. 

Josh figured he had another couple of hours of peace and quiet before Ben and the boys came home from the pool. He ate a carton of yogurt, grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer and headed for the couch in the family room. 

Ben and the boys found him there, sound asleep, a little before 4 o'clock. "Let him sleep," Ben said as he unpacked the bag from the pool and tossed the towels in the washer. He pulled the chicken out of the refrigerator and made a salad with a little help from Jessie. When Donna came home twenty minutes later Josh was still asleep. She peeked in on him and went to change before trying to wake him up. 

"Josh," she whispered as she brushed back his hair a bit and sat down carefully on the edge of the couch. He groaned a little and turned his head to face her. "Not a good day?" Donna asked unnecessarily as she reached down and pulled the melted ice pack out from under Josh's hip. 

"Not at all. I have an appointment at three tomorrow with an orthopedic guy. Think you can take me?" 

"Sure, no problem. Did you eat today?" Donna asked, already pretty sure she knew the answer. 

"Yogurt," Josh muttered sheepishly, knowing that answer wasn't going to go over well. Donna didn't say anything but her raised eyebrows spoke volumes. 

*********** 

At a little after five the next afternoon, Josh and Donna sat in Ted Carter's private office. He was out at the receptionist desk checking on his schedule. Josh's impression of Ted was favorable. He seemed nice and "no nonsense", something Josh looked for in a doctor. The only thing that bothered Josh was that he seemed so, so young. He probably wasn't but he just looked it. 

"OK," Ted said as he came back in the room, closing the door behind him. Both Josh and Donna took a deep breath and sat up a little straighter, not sure what to expect. "From what Jill's told me about you and from what you've said I gather that you're not the sort of guy who likes to beat around the bush," Ted said with a little grin that made him look even younger than he was. Josh just nodded with a grin of his own. 

"OK, so here's the deal, from the x-rays today and the ones from a few months ago I think it's a safe bet to say most of your problems, I'd say about 80% anyway, come from the, for lack of a better word, junk floating around in the hip joint. And that is not going to change for the better. The junk doesn't have anywhere to go and I'd say it's just going to get worse over time. So I propose you just have it taken care of, soon." 

"Surgery?" Josh asked as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. 

"Yeah. You're still relatively young, not quite ready for the old age home and in pretty decent health otherwise..." 

"Decent health?" Josh snorted. "You have read my chart haven't you?" he asked with a snort. 

"I've read enough," Ted assured him. "Are you the picture of health, of course not. Do I think you have some good years ahead of you, sure. Like I was starting to explain, the procedure is arthroscopic. We'll go in through 3 or 4 small incisions, have a look around, clean things up and send you on your way. Most of the time it's day surgery." 

"From experience, we've learn that "most of the time" doesn't usually apply to Josh," Donna said with a laugh as she reached for Josh's hand. 

"So I've heard," Ted remarked dryly. "You have the option of general anesthesia or an epidural. Both have their merits and drawbacks. With general there's always a risk of complications. On the other hand, you'd be asleep. The epidural has less risk but you would be aware of what's going on. Have you had any problems with general in the past?" 

"I don't come out of it too well. I usually get sick from it. And it seems to take a long time for me to get it all out of my system," Josh explained. 

"OK. With the epidural, like I said, you would be aware of what's going on. We'll give you a little Versed or Valium but you won't be completely out of it." 

"Will I feel anything?" Josh asked. 

"You shouldn't feel any pain at all. What you'd feel is pressure, maybe some pulling as we put the hip in traction to open up the joint as much as possible. What gets to most people are the sounds of the instruments. It can be loud and a little unnerving." Josh just nodded; he wasn't sure which option to choose. "You don't have to decide right now. Take a day or so to think about it. How is your schedule for the next few weeks?" Ted asked as he pulled up his own schedule on the computer. 

"I have a speaking engagement at the Library on Congress for two weeks from yesterday." 

"If we move quickly, meaning pre-op x-rays and blood work, I can get you in on Friday. You should have no problem keeping your appointment at the library." 

"This Friday?" Josh whispered as he swallowed hard. 

"The longer you wait, the more you're going to freak out," Donna said as he gently rubbed Josh's back for a minute. 

"What's the recovery like?" Josh asked Ted. 

"The relief from the majority of the pain is almost instantaneous. But you'll be on crutches for a few days just because the hip will be sore from the actual procedure. Lots of ice, some mild pain killers and some range of motion exercises for the first few days. After the stitches come out you'll go back to PT in the pool." 

"How much...how much better off will I be?" Josh asked trying not to come out and ask about the cane. 

Ted just smiled a little, knowing exactly what Josh meant by his question. "Like I said, about 80% of your problems come from the arthritis and the junk floating around. The other 20%, residual effects from the shooting and the stroke. Do I think you'll be able to lose the cane completely, no. You might be able to navigate around the house without relying on it as much, but that's about it." The look on Josh's face showed both his disappointment and the fact that he got the answer he was expecting. 

"My assistant will help you schedule the necessary blood work and x-rays. We'll try to get you in early in the morning on Friday. If you have any questions just give me a call," Ted said as he handed Donna his card. He shook hands with both of them before leaving to meet with his next patient. 

"That happened fast," Josh muttered as he pulled his seatbelt on and fiddled with the air conditioner controls. 

"Better to get it over with," Donna said as she backed the car out of the space. "You want to just get the blood work out of the way now?" she asked. 

"Sure," he muttered as he curled up against the door, signaling that he wasn't in the mood for conversation. 

Later that evening Josh and Donna sat down with the boys to explain what was going on. They seemed OK with the idea that Josh was going to have the surgery. They were careful to explain to the boys that the surgery didn't mean Josh was going to be out playing basketball in the driveway with them. As was usual, Jessie was a little more freaked out about the whole idea but Josh assured him he would be just fine. 

***************** 

Despite having taken a sleeping pill, Josh didn't get much sleep on Thursday night. And as a result he was crabby beyond belief on the way to the hospital. Donna had a fleeting thought of just dropping him at the door and returning to pick him up later that night but she figured that wasn't exactly what her husband needed at that moment. 

"He's late," Josh muttered as he glanced at his watch for the fourth time in ten minutes. 

"He's 5 minutes late. And give me that," Donna said as she pointed at his watch. Josh struggled to get it off but was having trouble because of the IV in his left hand. He held out his arm so Donna could undo it. 

"Mr. Lyman, Dr. Carter is on his way," the nurse said a minute later as she appeared with a syringe in her hand. 

"Josh," he said correcting her. "And what's that?" 

"OK, Josh. This is a Versed, it should help you relax a little," she explained. 

"Thank God," Donna muttered as Josh just glared a little at both her and the nurse. 

Ted Carter arrived a minute later. In scrubs and sneakers he looked all of 20, adding to Josh's feelings of uneasiness. 

"How are we doing this morning?" Ted asked as he flipped through Josh's chart. 

"Crabby," Donna replied, answering for Josh. 

"I see. Well, the Versed should take care of that," Ted muttered in a matter of fact tone." We should be good to go about 15 minutes. I'll see you in the OR. Donna, did they tell you where you can wait?" 

"They did. How long should it take?" 

"About an hour. If it's going to be longer I'll send someone out to talk to you," Ted reassured her as he made a few notes in the chart. 

********* 

Josh had opted for the epidural and much to the surprise of everyone involved, he did very well during the surgery. He didn't freak out about anything, didn't need any additional sedatives and was quite cooperative in recovery. 

After he proved he was steady on the crutches, Josh and Donna left the hospital a little before five that evening. As Ben had made plans for the weekend over a month earlier, Margaret was with the boys. She was going to help Donna get Josh settled, make dinner for all of them and take the boys to her house for the night in case Josh had a rough time for some reason or another. 

"You're hovering," Josh sighed as Donna fluffed the pillow one more time. It was a little after 8 and the boys and Margaret had just headed out. She promised them ice cream and a movie on television. 

"Sorry," Donna said as she knelt next to the couch. "I'm going to go take a quick shower. Do you need anything?" 

"A new ice pack and something to drink," Josh answered as he flicked the television on and started to scan the channels. Donna got the requested items and went to take a shower, leaving Josh alone for the first time all day. 

When she was done she found Josh sound asleep on the couch, snoring softly. The pain pill she'd left on the coffee table was gone and the glass of juice was empty. She turned off the television and went out into the kitchen to glance at the mail she'd just tossed on the table when they came home. 

There was nothing of interest, the usual bills, offers and general junk. She tossed most of it in the trash and set the kettle on the stove to make some tea. She called Abbey and filled her in on the day, drank a cup of tea and flipped through a magazine. Just about the time she was ready to declare herself completely bored she heard Josh calling for her. 

"You OK?" she asked as she came into the family room. Josh just shook his head. He was on his left side, curled up as much as his hip would let him. "What's wrong?" Donna asked as she knelt next to him. She put her hand on his forehead to check for a fever. Just the opposite, he was cool and clammy. "Josh, talk to me," she said as she leaned over to plant a kiss on his forehead. 

"I just..just...had a nightmare I guess," he muttered. He truly didn't know what was wrong and that was pretty obvious to Donna. It was also obvious that he was more than a little disoriented. 

"Why don't you sit up a little while I get something to wipe your face? I just had tea; do you want me to make you some?" Donna offered. Josh just nodded as he wiped his hands over his face and shook his head a little, trying to gain a little sense of time and space as the pain killer had hit him harder than he had expected. Donna went to the kitchen, turned the burner back on and wet a washcloth with cool water. "Better?" she asked after she wiped Josh's face and ran the damp cloth over the back of his neck. 

"Yeah. I think that pill really did a number on me," Josh muttered as he struggled to sit up a little more. 

"You took it on a pretty empty stomach. Do you want to eat something? You didn't really eat much at dinner." 

"Yeah, I think so." 

Josh picked at a grilled cheese sandwich for a little while, until Donna just took the plate away and handed him a cup of tea. He did manage to drink all of that and Donna decided not to bug him about not eating. He took a few laps around the house on the crutches to get rid of the stiff, achy feeling he had from spending the better part of the day either in a hospital bed or on the couch. 

Thanks to a nice back rub from Donna and the lingering effect of the pain pill he fell asleep fairly quickly a little before 11 o'clock. Donna prayed he would sleep through the night but wasn't holding out any great hope that would actually happen. 

Luck was on their side and they had a relatively uneventful night. Josh woke up once to use the bathroom and take some Tylenol but other than that he had a surprisingly easy night. 

Over the next few days Josh recovered quite nicely. He was able to lose the crutches by the middle of the following week and had returned to PT. The work in the pool helped and by the night before his talk at the Library of Congress he was clearly walking with less of a limp. 


	17. Port of Indecision 17

 

**The Port of Indecision**

**by: Ginny**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, Future  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** He was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at.  
**Author's Note:** Story #8 in Peering Into The Future 

"DAD!!," Jake yelled from the top of the stairs. 

"Don't bellow," Donna called from the laundry room. 

"Sorry," Jake called as he ran down the stairs. "Where's Dad?" 

"I think he's outside watering the plants on the porch," Donna answered as she went back to her folding. 

Jake found Josh sitting on the front steps pulling the dead leaves out of the flower pots which lined the left side of the steps. "What time do we have to leave tomorrow?" Jake asked as he stood in the doorway, talking to Josh's back. 

"Huh?" came Josh's reply as he had been daydreaming. 

"Tomorrow," Jake repeated as he sat down next to his Dad. "What time do we have to leave?" 

"About eleven." 

"Jessie says I have to dress nicely for the thing tomorrow," Jake whined. 

"Decently, how about that?" Josh offered. "No camouflage, no black high top sneakers." 

"Cargo shots and a shirt?" 

"Nice shirt, something that buttons down the front and comb your hair," Josh said with a laugh. 

"Fine," Jake muttered. Josh laughed and went back to his task. Jessie came out and shot some free throws in the driveway. Josh joined him for a few minutes but decided not to press his luck and test the limits of his hip. He watched as Jessie struggled to make the basket from the free throw line Jake had measured out. Still one of the shortest kids in his class, Jessie wished on the stars every night for a little help in the height department. As the stars came out, Jessie abandoned the basketball and chased a few fireflies around the front yard while Josh relaxed in the swing. Before long Donna was calling both of them in to pick out clothes for the next day so she could iron everything before she went to bed. 

At quarter to twelve the next afternoon Donna yelled out the door of her office to Megan who was filing in the hallway. "MEGAN!!" 

"Don't bellow," her assistant called back as she stuck her head in the doorway to Donna's office with a smirk firmly planted on her face. 

"Cute. Am I free for the next hour or so?" Donna asked as she opened her closet and glanced at her reflection in the mirror on the back of the door. 

"Going to watch Josh's thing?" Megan asked with a knowing grin. Donna nodded. "Going to sit in the front row?" Megan teased. 

"No, I'll just sneak in and watch from the back," Donna said as she grabbed her purse and took off down the hall. 

By the time Donna dodged the midday traffic and the tour groups assembled in the main foyer of the library, Josh had already started his session. She stood in the back, against a bookshelf where Josh wasn't too likely to see her. She watched with pride as Josh answered each and every question that came his way with poise, humor and brutal honesty. There were a few questions about Rosslyn and Donna glanced at the boys to make sure they were OK with those questions. 

They were sitting off to the side a little, whispering to each other every once in a while. They seemed to be doing just fine. Eventually someone did ask if they were Josh's kids and he did have them step forward and wave to the crowd a little. As the questions slowed and the allotted time ran out Josh thanked the crowd for coming and asked them to all turn around and wave to his wife. Donna stood there rather red faced. She gave a little wave and shook her head at Josh. As the crowd left the room she made her way to the front to meet up with Josh and the boys. 

"Trying to sneak in without being noticed," Josh said as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her softly. 

"Something like that," she admitted. She turned to give the boys a hug too. They were clearly tired of sitting still and all but pulled their parents out towards the lobby so they could go eat lunch. 

After a quick bite to eat and a promise to be home as early as she could, Donna headed back to work while Josh and the boys headed out to the Mall. They had no firm plans but as Josh's hip was feeling pretty good he figured they would wander the city a little. Finding something to do in DC was never a problem. 

****************** 

The third week in August found the three Lyman "boys" and Ben all packing to go away. The "little" boys were heading to camp, Ben was going to Florida with Annie and Josh was heading to Boston for his speaking engagement at Harvard. He had decided against continuing on to New Hampshire as Jed and Abbey had made a surprise visit to the DC area a few weeks earlier. Josh and Donna took the boys over to Charlie and Zoey's one afternoon for a barbeque. Jessie was still enthralled with Henry, even more so that the boy was starting to get a little personality of his own. 

Sunday night found Josh in the walk in closet trying to decide what suit to bring. "Just pick one," Donna said in a frustrated tone as she stood in front of his dresser pulling out boxers and t-shirts. She'd spent the previous hour or so getting the boys settled down and making sure they were all packed and ready to go first thing in the morning. 

"I want to make a good impression," Josh muttered from the closet. 

"A good what?" Donna asked. "Joshua, you only have two suits that fit, close your eyes and pick one," she said as she rubbed her eyes wearily. Josh grabbed the closest one and stepped out of the closet. Donna was sitting in the chair still rubbing her eyes. 

"You OK, honey?" Josh asked as he put the suit on the bed and sat down on the ottoman in front of her. 

"Just a headache. It's been a long week trying to get the three of you organized and ready to go. I'm looking forward to a little peace and quiet." 

"I can finish here. Why don't you take a nice bath, I'll make some tea," Josh offered as he brushed her hair back a little and kissed her forehead. Donna nodded and let him pull her to her feet. 

As one would have predicted, after the Tylenol kicked in, Donna's nice solo soak in the tub turned into a nice soak for two. 

"Sure I'm not squishing you?" Josh asked as he settled back against Donna. 

"Not at all," Donna assured him as she wrapped her arms around his chest and pulled him back even further. It took Josh a minute or so of squirming around to get comfortable. "Pushed it a little today, didn't you?" Donna asked as she gently rubbed his hip. 

"Yeah, too much walking. I'll be fine," he assured her. 

"Don't push yourself in Boston ." 

"I'll behave," he said as he picked up one of Donna's hands and used her finger to "cross his heart". Donna laughed and pressed a kiss to the top of his shoulder. 

"So, it's been a pretty good summer," Donna said nonchalantly a few minutes later. 

"Yeah, it has. But I think the boys are ready to get back to school. Or at least Jessie is," Josh muttered as he sat up to put some more water in the tub and add more bubbles. 

"I think Jake's looking forward to it, even if he'd never admit it," Donna said. She was trying to think of a way to steer the conversation towards Josh's plans or lack of plans as it were. It didn't matter to her that he had no clear plans but she wasn't so sure he was OK with that idea. She'd hoped that by steering the conversation towards the start of school that Josh would start talking. 

But as usually happened, that plan didn't quite work out. 

"What about you?" Donna eventually asked. Josh just shrugged his shoulders a little before sitting up and turning off the water. He settled back down on his side a little, head on Donna's right shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her waist and was quite enjoying the view of her bubble cover breast when Donna poked him in the ribs to get his attention. He gave her his patented puppy dog face but she wasn't buying it in the least. 

"I don't know. I kind of thought by now I would have made some grand plans," he muttered. 

"You don't need "grand" plans Josh, you basically retired," Donna pointed out. "But you do need something," she added quietly. 

"I know. I need to have some kind of idea, can't keep pulling into "the Port of Indecision" anymore," he said with a snort. 

"Jimmy Buffett?" Donna asked with a laugh. 

"Of course." 

"Seriously, some sort of schedule is what you need. And you already have one in place, sort of. You have PT on Tuesday, you meet with Tom every other Monday and....and," Donna trailed off as Josh tried to distract her and change the subject completely as he blew away the few remaining bubbles covering her chest. She thought, for a fleeting second, about smacking her husband to get him to focus on the conversation but she quickly decided Josh's idea was much more fun. 

************** 

The next morning, Ben took the boys to meet the bus that would take them to camp before driving to Baltimore to pick up Annie. Josh had decided to take the train up to Boston so Donna dropped him at Union Station on the way to work. He bought a cup of coffee, a magazine and boarded the train in plenty of time to get settled before they got moving. The train wasn't too crowded, which was rare for a weekday morning. He had a row to himself and took the opportunity to sit sideways and put his right leg up. 

As the train pulled away from the station he pulled out his iPod, set it to shuffle, stuck his glasses in his backpack and closed his eyes. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, something he blamed completely on Donna, although he was far from innocent. 

The rhythm of the train rolling along the tracks lulled him to sleep in no time. 

Josh slept for a few hours, waking as the train pulled into New York's Penn Station. They had half an hour before the train departed again so he took the opportunity to get off and grab a New York City hot dog, ignoring the fact it was only 10:00 in the morning. He washed down the hot dog, complete with sauerkraut and mustard, with a bottle of iced tea as the train started again. 

For the next hour or so Josh watched the scenery, such as it was, fly by the window. As the train passed through Connecticut Josh found himself a little sentimental and reflective. He pulled out a picture frame he kept in his backpack. It was a double frame; on the left was a picture of himself, his parents and Joanie taken at the Jersey Shore during his sister's last summer. Josh had been 8 and was the spitting image of his father, Noah. They were both sporting Mets hats and matching dimples. Joanie had her wild red curls pulled off her face and her arm thrown around Josh who was squirming to get away from his big sister's touch. 

Completely the picture was Rebecca Lyman, arm around her husband, trying her best to appear taller than her 15 year old daughter. The other side of the frame was a picture of Josh, Donna and the boys taken at Jed Bartlet's 75th birthday party. It had been taken at the end of the evening, Josh and the boys had loosened ties, rolled up sleeves and slightly messy hair. The four were out in the front of the Josiah Bartlet Presidential Library; Josh was leaning back on a wall, pulling Donna back against him. Jessie was on Josh's right, holding Josh's hand in his, while Jake was in front of his mother, her arm across his chest, trying to hold him in the shot. The photographer had been going for something a little more formal and posed but the picture turned out to be just perfect. 

Josh ran his fingers over both of the images, my past and my present, he thought to himself as he closed it up and put it back in his backpack. He pulled out a small notebook and a pen intent on jotting down a few notes for a yet to be decided article. But as his pen hovered over the blank page he thought about what he'd said to Donna the night before, about leaving the Port of Indecision. It was time to make some firm plans, or at least plans a little firmer than hanging out in his pajamas, drinking coffee and watching CNN. 

He started with the "schedule" Donna had tried to talk about, the conversation he'd so effectively derailed. He added in the exercising he was supposed to be doing all along and time to do the chores he was sure Donna would leave for him in a "honey do" list each day. He listed the magazines and newspapers that were interested in his writing, the few clients he still did consulting for and some prospects he knew about. When he was done, it looked like he had plenty of opportunities to be as busy as he wanted to be. Truth was he wasn't sure how busy he wanted his days to be. 

But on the other hand, he wasn't too sure how he would handle too much free time. Would he find healthy and productive things to occupy his time or would he resort to the brooding for which he was famous? There had to be some kind of middle ground to the whole idea of retirement. Maybe some more advice from Jed and Leo was called for. Josh made a mental note to call or email them soon. 

Josh tucked the notebook back in the pocket of his backpack. He grabbed his cane and got up to stretch his legs a little and get a snack. He made small talk with a few people in the lounge car before heading back to his seat. He dozed and read for a long time as the train lumbered northward. 

He was just waking up as the train pulled into the station in Providence . Only another half hour or so, he thought to himself. 

The other passengers started to gather their belongings and get ready to get off as the train neared Boston 's South Station. Josh hung back; crowds and his cane didn't go well together. While his hip was certainly much improved, Ted was right; he could more or less navigate around the house without it but needed to rely on it when he went out. As the group thinned, Josh pushed his glasses up on his nose, hoisted his backpack onto his shoulder, pulled his suitcase behind him and stepped into the station. 

He used the men's room, called Donna to let her know he had arrived and started to head for the taxi stand. On second thought he headed for the red line to go directly to Harvard, suddenly anxious to get to the campus for reasons he couldn't explain. As he stood on the platform waiting for the next train he was transported back 35 years to the day he left Harvard. When he left that day, he knew where he was headed, home for the summer and then to Yale for law school. 

Now he was at a crossroads he never really saw himself being at. He had always had this vision of working up until the day he died, or as Donna put it, "working himself to death". But graced with enough financial security and the support of family and friends he was now able to slow down and explore new things in life. He wasn't sure what many of those things would be but he was looking forward to them, looking forward to pulling out of the "Port of Indecision" and heading on a new journey. 


End file.
